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Everyone looks for different traits in a perfect partner. You might want someone who matches your sense of humor or knows how to manage their money. Figuring out who’s a night owl and early bird might be the last thing on your mind until you and a partner get into a routine together.
If you and your partner are polar opposites when it comes to your most energetic parts of the day, there’s no need to worry. Learn what happens when a night owl and early bird get in a relationship to discover how to make a routine that works for both of you.
A night owl is anyone who feels more naturally energetic during the evening and late-night hours. They might struggle to get through the morning no matter how much coffee they drink. When the sun starts to set, they’re ready to stay up for hours doing their hobbies or hanging out with friends.
Although it might seem like this type of energy cycle is a choice, research shows otherwise. It all starts with your genes.
When your CK1 gene switches on or off slowly, it causes night owl tendencies by making the mind more alert after the sun sets. The same research shows this gene has been in the human body since humans were single-cell organisms, so it’s quite literally written in your DNA.
An early bird is someone who tackles the morning with a natural focus. Even if they groan when their alarm clock goes off, they’re up and bustling through their to-do list long before lunch. As the afternoon progresses, an early bird’s energy starts to slow down.
They might enjoy an early to slightly late bedtime, but they’re rarely up past midnight because they used all of their energy over twelve hours ago. A night owl and early bird can happily live together as long as the early bird gets to enjoy their alone time in the mornings and sleep enough at night.
Some couples feel like their life is more challenging when their energy levels differ. See if any of these night owl vs. early bird challenges feel familiar. If they do, you’re not alone — simple solutions are just around the corner.
If you’re an early bird, you might love the idea of going out for breakfast with your partner. They want to spend time with you, but they go to sleep at two a.m. every night. Waking up four or five hours later to eat breakfast wouldn’t be a pleasant experience for them.
The same goes for night owls. Your partner could invite you to watch a movie with them after a late dinner date, but you can’t keep yourself awake past nine. You’d just feel miserable trying to make it through the film. It’s hard to find bonding time when your energy cycles don’t sync up, which often makes couples feel like they’re growing apart.
TV shows and movies rely on a frequent trope for couples. One partner often waits in bed while working on their laptop or reading. The other rubs lotion on their hands while getting comfy. They turn the lights out together and wake up together the next morning.
Sharing an overnight routine is something that feels impossible when your household has a night owl vs. early bird vibe. You don’t need to have this kind of routine to have a healthy relationship, but it might feel like you’re missing something in your life if it’s something you’d enjoy.
People often feel awkward telling their loved ones that they feel lonely when they’re in a loving relationship. If you feel this way, you’re not the only one. Researchers found that 20% of wives and 24% of husbands feel significantly lonely in their marriages. If you’re spending your most enjoyable part of the day alone all the time, it can feel like your partner is more of a distant roommate than a romantic connection.
Although it might feel like your night owl vs. early bird dynamic is impossible to overcome, there are always solutions to try together. See if any of these quick fixes could help you sync up again without changing how your brains work.
Find ways to do things together when you’re both wide awake, like the afternoons. You could make dinner together or call each other during your drive home from work. You’ll both be in a good mood and feel more connected just by adding one shared activity to your days.
It’s likely unrealistic to expect you both to become morning people or night owls. Instead of striving for one person to change, you can both give up a small portion of your time for each other.
Your partner might give up one night a week to come to bed with you. In exchange, you could stay up a bit later than normal another night of the week. You’ll both still get to keep the routines that work best for your brains without feeling like you’ll never share your mornings or nights.
Consider how often you tell your partner how you’re feeling and vice versa. Do you prefer to keep your feelings to yourself? Practice letting each other know when you’re feeling lonely or distant.
When your different routines are getting to you, your partner might stay with you until you fall asleep before tiptoeing out for their usual nightly activities. They might also set an alarm the next day so you can have a morning routine together.
If you practice verbalizing your emotional needs, they won’t build up in your heart and result in explosive arguments or resentment. Minor changes like this prevent buildup from happening if you’re both practicing emotional communication.
A night owl and early bird can have a thriving relationship if they communicate. Talk about the challenges you face regarding your different energy cycles and brainstorm solutions together. If you try different approaches over time, you’ll find new ways to bond without expecting either of you to change how your genes naturally work.
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