When you’re in a long-term relationship, it can be easy to overlook certain behaviors — especially if you really care about the person. But there are some signs you shouldn’t ignore. Recognizing red flags in a relationship early on can save you from unnecessary heartache and help you make informed decisions about your future. What Is a Red Flag? A red flag in a relationship is a warning sign that something may be toxic or unsustainable. These signs can range from subtle behaviors like dismissiveness or passive-aggressive comments to more obvious issues like controlling tendencies or dishonesty. While no relationship is perfect, you should never ignore recurring patterns of disrespect, manipulation or lack of communication. Red flags indicate deeper issues that, if you don’t address them, can lead to emotional distress or long-term harm. Recognizing red flags early on is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Many people overlook these signs, hoping things will improve or believing that love alone can fix the problem. However, ignoring red flags often leads to bigger issues down the road.  15 Relationship Red Flags to Avoid Not all relationship problems are dealbreakers, but there are some red flags you should definitely avoid. Here are 15 warning signs to be aware of: 1. Lack of Communication Effective communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If your partner constantly avoids deep conversations, dismisses your feelings or shuts down when problems arise, it’s a clear warning sign. Healthy couples talk things through, even when it’s uncomfortable. 2. Controlling Behavior A partner who dictates what you wear, who you can talk to or how you spend your time isn’t expressing love — they’re trying to control you. This behavior often escalates and can lead to a toxic dynamic. 3. Constant Criticism There’s a difference between constructive feedback and relentless criticism. If your partner regularly puts you down, makes you feel small or nitpicks everything you do, it’s a serious problem. No one deserves to feel like they’re never good enough. 4. Disrespect for Boundaries Boundaries come in many different forms and they’re an important part of all relationships. Whether it’s emotional, physical, sexual, financial or digital, boundaries matter. If your partner disregards your privacy, pressures you into things you’re uncomfortable with or constantly crosses lines you’ve set, it’s a major red flag in a relationship. 5. They Make You Doubt Yourself If you constantly feel confused, guilty or like you’re walking on eggshells, they may be manipulating or gaslighting you. A supportive significant other should lift you up, not make you question your own reality.  6. They Never Take Responsibility for Their Actions A healthy relationship requires both partners to be accountable for their words and actions. If your partner constantly blames others for their mistakes, refuses to apologize or always plays the victim, this is a major red flag.  For example, you express that something they said hurt your feelings, but instead of apologizing they call you out for being sensitive. Over time, this dismissive attitude can make you doubt your own emotions.  7. They Keep Score A relationship isn’t a competition. If your partner frequently brings up past mistakes or uses your past actions as leverage, it creates a toxic cycle of resentment. Perhaps you forgot to reply to their text one morning and now every time you ask them to communicate better, they say, “Well, you ignored me that one time, so why should I make an effort?” 8. Dishonesty and Secrecy Honesty is key to a strong relationship. If your partner frequently lies, hides things from you or acts secretive about their phone and whereabouts, trust issues are bound to develop. 9. They Don’t Support Your Growth A good partner will encourage your dreams, not belittle them. If they mock your ambitions, discourage you from improving yourself or get jealous of your successes, they may not have your best interests at heart.  10. Jealousy and Possessiveness A little jealousy is normal and even healthy from time to time. But excessive jealousy — especially when it leads to possessive behavior — is a big red flag. If your partner gets angry when you talk to others, constantly accuses you of cheating or tries to isolate you from friends and family, they’re trying to control you.  11. They Move Too Fast Love bombing is a major red flag in a relationship. Showering you with excessive affection, gifts or big commitments too soon can be a sign of emotional manipulation. While grand romantic gestures might seem flattering, moving too fast can indicate a lack of genuine emotional depth. If after only a few weeks of dating, they tell you they’ve never felt this way before or pressure you to commit before you’re ready, you might want to re-evaluate the relationship. 12. They Isolate You A partner who discourages you from seeing friends and family may be trying to control you. Isolation can start subtly — expressing jealousy over your relationships, making you feel guilty for spending time with others or creating drama that makes socializing feel like too much of an effort. For instance, you make plans with a friend and they suddenly pick a fight or guilt trip you by saying, “You’d rather be with them than me.” 13. They Have Extreme Mood Swings Everyone has bad days, but if your partner’s mood shifts unpredictably and you’re constantly unsure of how they’ll react, it’s a warning sign. One minute, they may be affectionate and loving, and the next, they’re yelling over something minor. Unstable emotions can lead to a toxic, stressful environment.  14. They Give You the Silent Treatment Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but shutting down and refusing to communicate is unhealthy. If your partner frequently gives you the silent treatment instead of working through issues, it can be a form of emotional punishment.  15. They Have a Pattern of Bad Relationships How someone talks about their exes can reveal a lot about them. If they constantly blame their exes for everything that went wrong and claim every past relationship ended because of the “crazy” behavior of the other person, be cautious.   Trust Your Gut and Know Your Worth Recognizing red flags in a relationship isn’t always easy, especially when emotions are involved. However, ignoring these warning signs can lead to deeper emotional pain and an unhealthy dynamic. A strong relationship should be built on trust, respect, open communication and mutual support. If you constantly feel anxious or undervalued, take a step back and evaluate whether this relationship is truly benefiting you.  You deserve a relationship that makes you feel safe and loved. If you notice multiple red flags, don’t ignore them — trust your instincts. Whether it means setting boundaries, having a tough conversation or walking away, prioritizing your well-being is the best de

Debt is a stressor for anyone. Managing it when you’re on your own is challenging, but having a dual-income household doesn’t necessarily make it easier to pay off or deal with. It all comes down to how you and your partner handle debt together.  Discover simple ways to handle debt as a couple to get the financial freedom you deserve. 1. Check Your Debt Regularly Managing debt is much easier when you understand the full picture. Sit down with your partner once a month or every two weeks to check your debts. You should review the outstanding balance and upcoming monthly payments for things like: Student loans Credit card debt Your mortgage Car loans Phone payment plans “Buy now, pay later” short-term debt You might not have thought about how you’d become a partner in debt one day, but teaming up makes debt easier to manage. You and your partner could be among the millennials with an average of $6,521 in credit card debt gathered over the years. That balance won’t seem as daunting if you team up.  The first step in gaining more financial control over your life is understanding what you need to pay each month and when those payments are due. 2. Identify Any Unnecessary Spending Habits Even the most minor spending habits make a difference when you’re trying to handle debt as a couple. Talk with your partner about their most minor purchases, like always getting a soda when they stop to refill their gas tank. Instead of cold-quitting those habits, find better ways to replace them. Maybe you often make late-night purchases online. Instead of deciding to never spend money on any fun thing again, save those digital items for later and review them in the morning. You’ll likely make a smarter decision once you’re wide awake. Remember, any money saved is another dollar that could go toward paying your debt. 3. Have Honest and Non-Judgmental Conversations Sometimes, talking honestly about financial stressors is the most challenging part of learning how to handle debt as a couple. It’s easy for one person to feel attacked or ashamed. Discuss how you and your partner will put your emotions aside when you budget. It should be a safe time to talk about things like if you’re contributing equally to your monthly debt payments. If you feel nervous about asking your partner to help more with your shared financial life, think about the big picture. As partners with dual incomes, it’s reasonable to ask for support — especially if you both agreed to take on certain types of debt to create a life together. You could also think of financial arrangements another way. Courts enforce spousal support when people separate. Judges often look at the differences in their income to determine how to make their finances more fair. If your partner currently makes more than you, asking them to contribute an equal share to your combined day-to-day finances is not unreasonable. 4. Speak With a Financial Advisor Research financial advisors in your hometown. They often schedule complementary meetings to help people create better budgets for long-term financial goals. You could spend an hour talking with an expert about your debt to get advice. A financial advisor will review the exact numbers for your debts, spending habits, expenses, saving accounts and total monthly income. Afterward, they’ll suggest budgetary changes you might not have thought about before. You may start paying off your debt more effectively or save money in specific areas of your life to make more substantial debt payments. 5. Prioritize Your Mental Health Together Finances are stressful. No matter how much debt you and your partner share, focusing on paying off debt can make you anxious. You might feel like you can’t spend money on anything exciting or don’t have any budgetary wiggle room. When your stress starts building, talk with your partner about prioritizing your mental health. See which aspects of your routine you can adjust to create a more stress-free life outside of your budgeting sessions. Poor sleep routines exacerbate anxiety symptoms, so try creating better sleep habits together. You might turn the thermostat down one degree at night or start a rule about not using electronics 30 minutes before bed. No matter which mental health strategies you try, they should make you feel more at ease during your everyday life. You won’t feel the stress of long-term debt management as much if you and your partner support each other’s mental well-being through helpful conversations and lifestyle changes. 6. Look Into Automatic Withdrawals Everyone occasionally forgets financial due dates. Life gets busy, and then you realize you haven’t paid your credit card bill on time. That means you’ll have a slightly bigger interest payment next month, which sets your financial goals back. See which of your lenders offer automatic withdrawals. You’ll never miss a bill if you don’t have to manually pay everything each month. You and your partner in debt could also set up reminders to send each other your halves of each debt payment before those deadlines to automate your financial habits even more. 7. Explore Budget-Friendly Life Hacks Trying a new perspective on some things could help you carve out a few more dollars for your debt payments. Look into different life hacks to see how you can save money. Every penny saved when you’re trying to pay off debt will make you feel like you have more financial freedom. Instead of spending money on costly over-the-counter medications when you get headaches, try diffusing lavender oil. Its natural properties help ease headaches, so you might get the same relief for a fraction of the cost. You could also avoid grocery shopping while hungry or shopping at yard sales instead of online stores. The best changes will directly target the most common ways you spend money. 8. Investigate Refinancing Options Some types of debt are eligible for refinancing. If you have student loans, a mortgage or a car loan, talk with those lenders about refinancing for a lower interest rate. They might agree if you meet their eligibility criteria and if the market currently has lower interest rates than when you took on your initial debt. Even a one-percent difference could knock off a good chunk of your monthly payments, which would create substantial stress relief in the long run. Become Better Partners in Debt Communicating about how you want to handle debt better is the best way to manage your finances with your partner. If you’re able to have casual, honest conversations, you can try new strategies to pay off your debt faster. No matter what works for you, you’ll feel better knowing you both did what was best for your financial and mental well-being.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t always have to be about your significant other. In fact, you should use February 14 as an excuse to give your bestie some great best friend Valentine gifts. It’s time to recognize the people who help you through every break-up and reassure you that your soulmate awaits. After all, where would we be without our closest companions? Here are 11 heartfelt ways to make your pals feel special on Valentine’s Day. 1. A Zodiac-Inspired Piece We all have that one friend who’s obsessed with astrology. Maybe they’re a mysterious, secretive Scorpio or an independent and impulsive Aries. Either way, why not consider a zodiac-inspired present for your favorite starry-eyed person? You could try a bracelet or necklace engraved with their star sign. If your friend already owns a lot of jewelry, pick up a cute box or dish that features a specific zodiac. These days, there are many choices, from candles to mugs to soaps. 2. A Custom Art Design Solidify your friendship with a custom art design! You can personalize whatever fits your friend best. Whether they love gag gifts or prefer tasteful pieces, there’s an option for everyone. These presents can take some time to process, so don’t wait until February 13 to place an order. That said, if you’re the artsy type, you can always customize your own gift. If they love unique pillows, you could have one printed with your favorite quote or picture. You may want to create an art print that features your names alongside a sketch of you both. If your friend likes funny memes, pick one to put on a mug. 3. A Spa Day Basket It’s never fun to be single on Valentine’s Day. That’s why many people use this holiday as an excuse for self-love. If you have a friend that feels a little down when February 14 rolls around, here are some terrific best friend Valentine gifts to consider. A hot bath can help the body relax so that you feel less stressed. Fill up a basket or bag with your favorite bath salts and bath bombs to promote a peaceful evening. Then, include an aromatic candle, as well as an essential oil or two. Add nail polish, face masks and body lotion. 4. A Fun Home Gadget Is your best friend super tech-savvy? If so, now would be the perfect time to spoil them with a new device. You definitely don’t have to buy them a phone or laptop, but a fun gadget can be both useful and enjoyable. Who wouldn’t want a self-cleaning water bottle? You could pick out an LED showerhead that changes colors when you shower, or a smart vase that holds flowers as it charges your phone. What about a smart beauty mirror? Look around for unique devices that add a little spice to your friend’s life. 5. A Meditative Zen Journal We all could benefit from some mindfulness every now and then. If a spa day won’t cure your best friend’s stress, it’s time to gift them a journal. This activity contributes to various health benefits, like improved cognitive function. It’s also proven to reduce anxiety as you write down your thoughts. You can choose a blank journal with a pretty design on the outside, or pick a journal that includes specific prompts and questions. Either option encourages them to work through their emotions and learn how to process them better. Feel free to grab your own journal to do the same. Remember, Valentine’s Day can be about self-love, too. 6. An Ice Roller A real friend doesn’t gatekeep beauty secrets. Share this small yet impactful addition to their skin care routine. The Skin Gym Ice Roller is a mighty tool that provides cooling relief to help minimize pores, reduce puffiness and promote radiant skin.  Simply fill, freeze and roll over the face for a quick spa-like treatment at home. It’s perfect for that friend who swore to commit to a more stringent skin care routine but always sleeps late and complains about their puffy face. 7. A LEGO Set Whether you have a friend who’s an avid LEGO collector or wants to explore a new hobby, consider giving them a LEGO set. This Bonsai Tree from LEGO’s Botanical Collection is an amazing way to complete their Valentine’s Day. You can also buy one for yourself (yes to self-love) and set up a time to build your sets together. Aside from the therapeutic benefits, you also get to bond with your bestie. 8. A Box of Indulgent Chocolates A Valentine’s Day is incomplete without sweets. Surprise your BFF with an indulgent box of chocolates. This luxurious collection from GODIVA pretty much ticks all the boxes — it contains an assortment of chocolates and it’s crafted by a reputable brand. Plus, Belgian chocolates are simply top-tier. Trust us — your best friend will love it so much that they might refuse to share it with anyone, including you. Don’t tell us we didn’t warn you! 9. A Hand-Held Portable Fan For the lover of walks, hikes or any outdoorsy stuff, a mini portable fan can provide them a powerful breeze whenever they need to stay cool. Sure, they can use a traditional fan, but not every time, they have enough space in their bag to fit one. Luckily, the JISULIFE portable hand-held fan is small enough to fit in a pocket or a small bag.  Although the price may seem high for a small fan, the quality is top-notch. Read the reviews, and you’ll understand why this brand has a legion of raving fans. 10. A Plane Ticket If you’re feeling generous and spontaneous, surprise your friend with a travel to your dream destination. It could be a trip to a nearby city, state or another continent. A caveat — only give this to a BFF who’s as spontaneous and a wanderer as you! This may startle a Type A friend or your influencer pal who has already had their next year’s schedule filled with fun stuff.  11. A Theater Ticket If a plane ticket is way out of budget, consider gifting a theater experience instead. Ride the never-ending “Wicked” bandwagon and watch the theater performance together on Valentine’s Day or another weekend, in case they have a romantic date that day. It’s a great way to immerse in good music, vocals and art. Ultimately, it’s a no-fail way to get your BFF to sing “Defying Gravity” with you. Choose These Best Friend Valentine's Gifts This Year If you want to shower your friends with love, try these Valentine’s Day gifts. Everyone deserves some admiration on this day! Original Publish Date 2/7/2019 — Updated 2/7/2025

Smell might be the most neglected sense, yet it can powerfully affect your mood. When comparing incense vs. essential oils, you'll find both offer benefits. However, choosing the right one requires insight beyond your sniffer.  These substances can make your surroundings smell heavenly but with a catch. Your tolerance for the potential side effects determines your best choice. When it comes down to incense versus essential oils, which one is right for you?  Incense vs. Essential Oils: Incense Benefits  Who wins the incense vs. essential oils battle? Incense has been used for thousands of years in religious and spiritual rituals. In modern times, its powerful olfactory punch is used to mask other aromas and add a pleasant scent to your indoor air. It offers the following benefits.  1. Increase Concentration and Focus  Certain aromas activate scent receptors in your brain, encouraging alertness and facilitating cognitive processes. The signals produced by these scent receptors travel to your brain, which interprets the message by making minor adjustments in breathing patterns, perhaps even your neurotransmitter and hormone levels through your gut microbiota. Could this phenomenon partially explain the mystic ecstasy experienced by some meditators?  2. Get in Touch With Your Spiritual Side Incense has a long history of use in religious rites. Visit a Catholic church to get your Easter meal blessed, and you’ll witness — and smell — the priest walk by with a censer. Those who follow pagan faiths often incorporate this aroma-rich substance into their rituals. For example, sage is often used to dispel evil spirits. Which scents have meaning depends upon your background. For example, Frankincense and myrrh are well-known in the Christian tradition and represent two of the three gifts brought by the magi. In the Buddhist tradition, they represent the seeker’s intent for spiritual enlightenment. Hindus believe that these fragrances invite the presence of deities and signify respect and purity.   Even folks who are spiritual but not necessarily religious harness the power of incense in rituals. You don’t have to look far to find videos on how to attract luck and prosperity into your life, such as this one:  https://youtu.be/KGUhwoTwuYs?si=2BqhFCN0LvBmOE_F 3. Improve Your Sex Drive Several incense aromas, like bergamot, rose and vanilla, activate receptors in your brain that make you feel more amorous. Ylang-ylang is particularly useful for increasing attraction and libido among lovers.  Incense Drawbacks  Burning incense releases particulate matter into your indoor air. Therefore, you could suffer the following adverse health effects, particularly if you are sensitive.  1. Respiratory Issues If you have asthma, you may wish to avoid incense. A new case presented this year at the American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology warns that this substance can pose health risks to vulnerable adults and children, including those with asthma or other upper respiratory sensitivities. Incense fumes contain several volatile substances, including formaldehyde, sulfur, carbon and nitrogen oxides. When inhaled, these chemicals can cause symptoms including:  Headaches Respiratory dysfunction Skin sensitivity Allergic reactions  2. Heart Disease If you keep an eye on your heart health, you may wish to avoid incense, too. One study performed at the National Taiwan University College of Medicine found that long exposure to incense smoke increases the risk of cardiovascular disease by 10% and stroke by 19%. Heart disease is already the number one killer of men and women worldwide, so protect your ticker if you are at risk.  3. Cancer  Finally, exposure to the chemicals and particulates released by incense can increase your risk of certain cancers, especially of the respiratory tract. While there was no overall effect on lung cancer rates, there was a significant uptick in upper respiratory tract carcinomas.  Therefore, essential oils may be better than incense if you have heart or lung conditions. Using incense in a brick form on a special burner instead of lighting sticks reduces particulate matter but doesn’t eliminate risks.  Incense Versus Essential Oils: Essential Oil Benefits  Fortunately, you can also use essential oils to improve your indoor air and add humidity to your room. You can pick up inexpensive diffusers at nearly any department store for $20 or less. They help keep your skin moist while offering the following additional benefits.  1. Improve Your Mood  Essential oils also activate scent receptors in your brain. Fragrances like citrus help energize you and improve your focus, while others like lavender ease stress and relax you. 2. Boost Immune Function  Research on forest bathers indicates that inhaling chemicals called phytoncides helps kick the human immune system into high gear. It’s reasonable to assume some fragrances might also activate pathways that increase your resistance to germs. One 2024 study on eucalyptus essential oil found that it can alleviate the inflammation characteristic of arthritis, respiratory ailments and skin disorders.  Typically, you inhale essential oils, but you can also apply them to the skin when included in a safe carrier oil. For example, many people with arthritis apply creams made with arnica essential oil directly to painful joints.  3. Ease Anxiety and Depression Mindfulness entails getting into the present and breaking the negative thought cycle that has you ruminating on past mistakes or future fears. One way you can increase your ability to remain in the moment is by concentrating on your five senses — including scent. Some people successfully use lavender essential oil to quell panic attacks. Inhaling the aroma is enough to break the cascade of negative thoughts.  Best of all, you can use lavender essential oil without anyone knowing what you are doing. You can find small roll-on applicators that you can dab on your wrist or even right under your nose for an intoxicating hit of the relaxing scent. The benefits are so profound that scientists are now investigating a prescription made from the oil to treat depressive disorders. Anxiety can morph into depression, especially when you see no way out of your circumstances.  Essential Oil Drawbacks Like incense, essential oils do have a few drawbacks. Please consider the following before use.  1. Irritated Eyes or Skin Allergies Skin or eye irritation can happen from direct exposure to essential oils. However, some sensitive individuals also have problems with the diluted mist exuded by diffusers.  2. May Impact Hormones Researchers found a link between excessive use of lavender and unusual breast development in girls and boys. According to Kenneth S. Korach, Ph.D., the use of lavender oil can promote breast development in boys and girls younger than eight years of age. He stresses that this development warrants the need for further research on the potential health risks of essential oils, especially lavender, which is frequently used to combat migraine pain.  3. Potentially Unsafe Around Children and Pets  Please never leave your essential oils unattended around small children — they should never be taken internally. Contact your poison control center if you suspect ingestion.  Many essential oils are also highly toxic to pets. While some extracts aren’t as harmful as others, it’s best to keep them all away from your furry friends. Slight variations in formulations and carrier oils can lead your puppy or kitty to ingest something they otherwise wouldn’t, and exposure to the fumes can also cause upper respiratory distress.  Pets can also suffer exposure when essential oils get on their fur, which they then lick. These substances can burn if they get to the skin or make your baby sick. If you suspect accidental ingestion, please take them to the vet immediately.  How to Use Incense and Essential Oils It’s a snap to learn how to use incense or essential oils. Most incense consists of sticks, which you simply light, letting it burn to coals. The smoke it emits contains the fragrance. However, you can also find alternative burners that may reduce the particulate content. Many of these use candles, which can also release volatile organic compounds into the air, so the degree of health benefit from using such a device remains unclear.  You can use essential oil scores of ways. The most popular is to diffuse them, adding a few drops to water and letting heat create steam that imbues your air with fragrance. You can find bubbling versions and plug-ins. Additionally, you can add a few drops of essential oil to a spray bottle to mist fragrance where you like it or add it to a carrier lotion or oil to apply to your skin. Ensure that the type you choose is safe for topical applications, and never take essential oils internally.  Incense Vs. Essential Oils: Which One Do You Prefer? The winner of the incense vs. essential oil battle boils down to which one is best for your needs. You might use both for different purposes or stick to one for bolstering your health and making your home smell divine.  Originally published February 2, 2022. Updated December 23, 2024

TL;DR: A cool-off period in a relationship means taking intentional time apart from each other to process emotions and gain perspective to address issues with a clearer mind. While beneficial for many couples, it requires clear communication, defined boundaries and a shared commitment to working through challenges. How long the cool-off lasts varies but typically ranges from a few hours to 2-4 weeks, with agreed-upon rules about communication and expectations. Have you ever sent a hasty “we need to talk" text at 2 AM to start looking for the time machine button that will revert the text 10 minutes later? Perhaps you're in that space where everything your partner says seems to make your blood pressure rival a pressure cooker. When relationships start feeling like you’re one Ross-and-Rachel situation away from disaster, understanding the true cool-off meaning of a relationship can feel like trying to decipher a cryptic message. Taking a strategic pause to cool off lets you step back, take a deep breath and find your balance before moving forward. But what exactly is a cool-off in a relationship? How do you know when it’s needed and, more importantly if it is enough to fix the relationship? What is a Cool-Off Meaning in a Relationship? Cooling off in a relationship means taking a step back and giving both of you space to breathe. Things may feel too heated after an argument or a stressful time, and a little distance helps you clear your head. Instead of diving deeper into frustration, a cooling-off period lets you reflect on what’s going on so you avoid exacerbating disagreements. It’s a chance to slow down, think things through and come back to the conversation when you’re both calmer. Recent research shows that 85% of relationship conflicts are perpetuated by heightened emotional states rather than the actual issues. Instead of diving deeper into frustration, a cooling-off period lets you reflect on what's going on instead of engaging in “conversations” you might regret. The key here is not to use this time to avoid the issue but to give yourself room to process. When you reconnect, you’ll be able to talk things out more clearly and better understand where each of you stands. It’s not about pushing problems under the rug but about hitting pause so you can come back stronger and more in tune with each other. Signs That a Relationship Needs a Cool-Off Sometimes, relationships hit a rough patch where emotions run high. Things just don’t feel as smooth as they used to. It’s normal to experience ups and downs, but it might be time to take a break when things feel particularly tense. A temporary break can give you both the space you need to reflect, refocus and come back with a clearer mindset. Here are some signs that your relationship might benefit from a break: Constant arguments: If you find yourself in frequent disagreements where every conversation seems to spiral into an argument, it could be a sign that emotions are running too high and taking a step back might help. Feeling overwhelmed: If one or both of you are feeling emotionally drained, frustrated or overwhelmed by the relationship, a short break might be what you need. Lack of communication: When the usual flow of communication has broken down and you’re either avoiding each other or not expressing yourselves clearly, some distance can help you reset and approach things with a clearer mind. Resentment buildup: If small issues become more significant and there’s a growing sense of resentment, a cooling-off period can help you reflect on what’s bothering you and how to address it. Need for personal space: If either of you feels like you need more personal space but are afraid to ask for it, this might signal that a break could provide a healthy break to re-establish balance. What to Do During a Cool-Off It’s important to use the time productively during a cool-off rather than just waiting for things to blow over. Here are a few things you can do to make the most of it: Reflect on Your Feelings Take time to think about what’s really bothering you. Are there specific issues that keep coming up, or is something deeper at play? Understanding your emotions can help you communicate more clearly when the time comes. Focus on Yourself Use this time to prioritize your well-being. Whether catching up with friends, engaging in hobbies you enjoy or practicing self-care, taking care of yourself will help you feel more centered and less overwhelmed.  Communicate Boundaries Even though you’re taking a break, it’s important to establish clear boundaries with your partner. Agree on how much contact, if any, is appropriate during the cooling-off period so you both avoid misunderstandings and feel comfortable.  Avoid Making Big Decisions This isn’t the time to make life-changing choices about your relationship. Give yourself the space to think things through calmly before deciding what comes next. Gain Perspective Step outside the immediate situation and try to see things from a broader view. Talking to trusted friends or journaling your thoughts can provide new insights into the dynamics of your relationship. How Do You Give Someone Space Without Losing Them? Here’s how to preserve your connection while on a break: Communicate your intentions clearly: "I need some time to think, but I'm committed to working through this with you." Set specific check-in times: Perhaps a brief text every few days or a weekly call ensures you’re both on the same page. Focus on personal growth: Use the time to work on yourself as well through therapy, journaling or self-improvement. Maintain appropriate boundaries: Avoid snooping through their social media or constantly asking mutual friends for updates. Maintain routine contact: If you live together, be respectful but not wholly distant. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCir-ro3dR0 Reconnecting After a Cool-Off Period When the cool-off period ends, it’s important to reconnect with intention and openness. This is your chance to return to the relationship with a clearer perspective and a willingness to work through any issues. Start by having an honest conversation about how the break went and what you both learned during the time apart. Be open about your feelings and listen to your partner’s point of view as well. After all, it’s about mutual understanding, not assigning blame. Setting new boundaries or expectations is also a good idea to prevent old issues from resurfacing. This could be anything from how you communicate during disagreements to how you handle personal space. Reconnecting doesn’t mean everything will be perfect right away, but with a refreshed mindset and healthier communication, you’ll have a stronger foundation to move forward together. How Long Should a Cool-Off Last in a Relationship? No two relationships are the same. What works for others may not work for you and vice versa. With that in mind, the duration of a cool-off period is determined by the following factors: Your specific situation. Interpersonal behaviors such as communication styles. Individual characteristics like personality type. Your preferences as a couple. Was the decision was mutual? Regardless, most relationship experts recommend a day or two to process immediate emotions, but a week and over if you aim for deeper reflection and personal growth. However, avoid taking too long, such as over three months, to avoid further disconnection. Longer cool-off meaning in a relationship without clear limits can widen the relationship drift. The general premise is that breaks extending beyond one month without structured communication plans often lead to permanent separation. Is a Cool-Off Enough? Whether the break is adequate or if it’s time to call it quits depends on the underlying issues in your relationship and how you both handle it. A break can be a great way to gain clarity and work through temporary tension, but it’s not a magic fix. If you both come back from the break with a renewed commitment to improve communication, address the issues and grow together, it can be a positive step forward. However, if the same problems resurface or you realize the relationship is causing more harm than good, consider calling it quits. A cool-off can reveal whether the relationship is salvageable or if it’s time to part ways for your well-being. Pay attention to how you feel during the break — if you feel more relieved than connected, it might be a sign that the relationship has run its course. Deciding What’s Next Cooling off can be a powerful tool for resetting and reflecting when things get tough, but it’s not a guaranteed solution. It provides the space to evaluate your feelings, gain perspective and decide if the relationship is worth fighting for. While some couples come back stronger after a cool-off, others may realize it’s time to move on. The key is to approach this time with honesty, self-awareness and an open heart. Originally published October 15, 2024. Updated January 30, 2025.

If climate change news makes you tremble, taking action is calmative. You don’t need to own property you can convert to solar — small acts can make a difference. How can you improve your ecological savvy and reduce your carbon footprint this year? Here are ten sustainable lifestyle changes to make in 2024 for a healthier planet.  1. Ditch the Straw It’s an automatic reflex these days. You go through the drive-thru and expect a straw in your bag and think nothing of stripping the wrapper off one when stopping for a convenience-store pop.  People in the United States alone use up to 500 million straws every single day. Many of these don’t belong in standard recycling, nor can biological means like bacteria break them down — they stay in the environment nearly forever.  The solution? Invest in a reusable model. Many of these clip to your keychain, meaning you always have one handy when the siren song of french fries proves too much to resist on the way home from work. Some even contain a handy cleaning brush right inside the collapsable model that keeps things hygienic.  2. Bring a Bag Reusable bags stand head and shoulders above single-use versions. They don’t break, spilling your expensive eggs all over the sidewalk. They’re handy for scores of uses, from schlepping your gym clothes in from your car for a fresh shower and change, hauling laundry to the mat or, of course, safely transporting your groceries home.  Is it hard to create the habit? Not necessarily. Some people find the torture of forcing themselves to walk back to their car through the snow to retrieve forgotten bags the right stimulus to stir their memory next time. Others take a more gentle approach, putting their wallet or purse with their bags as they enter the car, linking the habits to make remembering reusables easier to remember.  However, if you are a member of the “Darn it, I left my bag in my car and don’t want to walk back,” set, take heart. You can find reusable bags that fold up and clip to your keychain, meaning that you have no more excuses for requesting plastic at the register.  3. Use Pedal Power If your nearest store is less than half a mile away, why drive when you can walk? If you mentioned the time factor, you aren’t alone. Today’s hectic schedules sometimes leave little room for making sustainable, if slower, choices.  However, you can slash your travel time with a bike while reducing your carbon footprint and getting exercise. You can even find electric models that produce a fraction of a car’s emissions and help power you up steep hills. Sometimes, commuting this way can be faster than by car when traffic piles up and you zip by in the right lane with a wave and a smile.  4. Investigate Walk Scores Are you looking for a new pad? Pay attention to your location’s walk score.  Perhaps surprisingly, urban locations often have better scores than more rural ones. Don’t automatically rule out city life — you could find, like many New Yorkers, that you don’t need a vehicle or the pesky emissions associated with it at all.  5. Add a Plant  Way back in the 1980s, NASA did a study to see how they could produce a breathable atmosphere on Mars. They discovered that the humble house plant could clean toxins like toluene from the air, albeit not as effectively as air purifiers. However, each new plant produces oxygen. A new ficus is an approved impulse buy when you want to make sustainable lifestyle changes. 6. Eat Locally Are you friends with the vendors at your farmer’s market? While grocery goods may travel thousands of miles — and produce tons of emissions during transport — these products come from close to home. You’ll reduce your emissions and feel better about serving your family fruits and veggies that you know are fresh and organic.  Farm-to-table restaurants have increased in popularity, and visiting one of these with your BFFs can be among the most sustainable lifestyle changes you can make in 2025. Many such establishments grow their fruits and vegetables onsite, and those that serve meat may raise livestock as well. These minimize transport, and increase accountability and transparency — you can’t fib about your practices when customers can observe them in action at your location.  7. Join a Crew Volunteering isn’t only a way to pad your resume if you have been out of work for a while. You can find neighborhood and highway cleanup crews seeking help nearly anywhere in America. You’ll meet new friends, stimulate feel-good neurotransmitter production and get a little exercise while making a sustainable lifestyle change.  8. Adjust Your Fans and Curtains If you run your HVAC system all the time, you go through tons of fuel. Why not save money on your utility bills while sustainably controlling your climate? Turn them counterclockwise in the summer to circulate air and reverse the direction in winter to pull warmer air up from baseboard registers.  Furthermore, make use of passive solar heating. Blackout curtains can preserve interior heat, especially on thin rental windows, during nighttime hours. However, tie them back during the day when the sun strikes them to take advantage of the free solar heat.  9. Add a Recycle Bag to Your Ride If you upped your road-trip quotient over the past months, you aren’t alone. Travel restrictions had more people shunning airports and turning to their rides for recreation. However, all that fun produces tons of waste, much of which you can recycle.  However, you probably noticed that not too many fast food joints, convenience stores or gas stations provide recycling bins. What can you do with all those empty pop cans? When selecting a garbage disposal system for your car, pick one with a separate section for reusable materials that you can sort in the correct bins when you arrive home.  10. Get Smart Adding a smart home device or two costs a fraction of the amount of a solar conversion. However, it can save you big time on your heating and cooling while slashing your carbon footprint.  Start with a smart thermostat. According to the Department of Energy, you can save up to 10% on your utility bill by adjusting that dial by seven to ten degrees during the eight hours you leave the house to work. Doing so is a snap with a smart thermostat that links to your phone. Even if you forget to program the hours, you can turn on eco mode from anywhere, instantly saving electricity and reducing your reliance on fossil fuels.  Make These 9 Sustainable Lifestyle Changes Protecting planet earth is everyone’s responsibility. Please consider making these nine sustainable lifestyle changes in 2023.  Originally published July 12, 2021. Updated December 23, 2024.