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Have you ever looked at a person and thought that they were pretty cool? Some people may leave it at that, or research some lore behind them out of curiosity. Meanwhile, others fall into an emotional rabbit hole and form parasocial relationships. Sometimes, even without noticing.
A parasocial relationship is a one-way relationship that individuals have with another person. It could be a celebrity, an influencer, or even a fictional character from a form of media that you like. Some people view these kinds of connections as deeply emotional, with others going as far as coding them as romantic and obsessive.
Parasocial relationships can be more common than you’d think. A survey found that 52% of its participants have reported having at least one. Some of them would have them with a YouTuber, primarily because of how much content they may consume from that creator. However, these bonds are also apparent for actors, K-pop idols, animated characters and so much more.
My personal experience was with an online streamer. I enjoyed watching them play games, as it tends to give me company in my quieter apartment. As it went on though, I think I would cancel so many plans just to be one of the first people on their stream and get a quick “hello.” I started feeling upset when they wouldn’t read my messages because the chat was moving so fast.
The parasocial interactions definitely didn’t feel romantic, but it did almost feel like I had a friend who was ignoring me. I just had an epiphany that I was in way too deep and reminded myself that they weren’t actually a friend—they were just strangers online. I took a break from watching them after I realized that they were affecting my mental state.
It should’ve been self-explanatory that parasocial relationships aren’t the greatest, considering that it sounds like a mesh of the words “paranoia” and “parasitic”. But in their defense, these kinds of connections can have a few benefits, like:
After a little more digging and introspection, parasocial relationships are, in fact, unhealthy to get into. Here are some of the top reasons why:
Perhaps you’re getting into a rough patch with your family. Maybe you’re in a relationship cool-off and thinking that you’ll come back to fix it. Fixating on parasocial relationships tends to take so much time, energy and attention away from tending to your real-life relationships. They may also hinder you from building new ones, since you’re so preoccupied with a persona.
Again, a public figure is not your lover or your best friend, and demanding too much of them can cause plenty of stress on both sides. You start expecting too much of them, which sets you up for heartbreak. Plus, for smaller influencers, they start to get stressed about taking responsibility for your emotions, even if they don’t have to.
You’re lucky if you aren’t in a parasocial relationship with a narcissist, or someone who would take advantage of your adoration toward them. There are too many horror stories online of how they’ve been manipulated to think or do something in a certain way.
One common example is that brands recognize that social media influencers have a considerable following. A study finds that parasocial relationships in that setting can boost purchase intentions, which affects your financial well-being.
Parasocial relationships can also cause you to build obsessive behaviors in the long run. Some of these actions can be unprompted, such as responding to hate comments online just to defend them or searching their personal information to come and meet them.
Having such obsessive thoughts about a person can negatively affect your mental state by creating the notion that they’re the only one who matters. It will hinder you from working on yourself and other responsibilities that you have.
Parasocial relationships are easy to enter unintentionally, even without coercion from a persona. Here are some tips for practicing more self-awareness.
Every person has their own emotional triggers for growing parasocial relationships. Loneliness can be a considerable factor, and, unfortunately, one in six people worldwide deals with that feeling. If this is the case, you must get out of your comfort zone and talk to people. These will result in more meaningful connections in the long run.
Social media can be a considerable factor in your fixations, especially if you’re constantly on your phone. A break can improve your mental well-being and help you realize how to manage it properly. You can also intentionally omit any profiles or media from the persona that you’re growing an attachment to through some app settings.
Consider journaling your parasocial interactions and try to reflect on how they make you feel. It’s a great way to keep a record of your own emotions, as well as make progress on your personal self-awareness. With time, you’ll learn to tone down adoration into simple appreciation, so you can still enjoy media and content without obsessive tendencies.
Channel whatever resources you would have been giving to your personal relationship toward family, friends and your partner instead. Even just making 3-minute eye contact or setting up a date night can be quite the effort to reconnect with them.
Parasocial relationships can become unhealthy when they let themselves fester and you start putting real or fictional people onto a pedestal. It’s important to be more self-aware of your behaviors and to walk away from these obsessions before you get into the deep end.
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