Two years — that’s how long we were “together.” It was a situation where we were more than friends but less than an official couple. It was a tangled mess of inconsistencies, confusion and, ultimately, emotions. They say love can drive you crazy, and boy, were they right. If you’re in the same boat and wondering how to get over a situationship, this one’s for you.

What It Feels Like to Be in a Situationship

Situationship feels like you’re stuck in limbo. It’s a thrilling phase that gives you all the fun of having a partner but with no strings attached. I initially called that person a casual fling of sorts — we’d go out on dates and travel together, usually incited by a pang of boredom or loneliness while agreeing to leave emotions out of the room. 

It was the perfect setup for two people who weren’t ready for a commitment. But as much as we try to ignore it, the reality will always creep in. Drama gets in the way of things, someone ultimately gets hurt, and the whole cycle sucks.

I’ve had friends ask about my current situation with that guy, only to find myself constantly answering, “It’s complicated,” not because I’m too lazy to explain, but because that’s just how it is. If you were to ask anyone, situationships should not entail “What are we?” conversations, consistency, mentions of the future, feelings and peace of mind. Yet simultaneously, you’re expected to act as if you’re exclusively dating while together. 

You’re more than friends but less than a couple. You’re enjoying time together one day, and the next day, you’re not texting one another. It’s a mix of specific emotions and unspoken expectations.

Is Situationship a Bad Thing?

Not really. While the term has a negative ring to it, let’s be real — not everyone needs or wants a glaring label on their setup, which is ideal if you don’t have the bandwidth to be in a more serious relationship.

However, this setup may not be for you if you tend to be anxious and an overthinker like me. As cliche as this may sound, you must know what you want before getting into this arrangement. As much as you’re willing to leave your feelings out the door, there’s no guarantee that they won’t come rushing in.

Why Is Getting Over a Situationship So Hard — Even Harder than a Relationship?

I decided to end the situationship happening with the guy when I started catching feelings for him. The most painful part about it is there’s no way of anticipating it — it’s like a big wave engulfing you at the most unexpected time. Although our arrangement lacked clarity, it was still a relationship between two people, and it’s important to acknowledge my feelings.

But I guess love is not always the answer despite what The Beatles say. I learned to love this man, but we’re not on the same page. I wanted to take “us” to the next level, but he said he had to wait. For what? No one knows. The disconnect was enough for him to cut “us” off. 

For some reason, I felt awful about feeling devastated. I struggled to validate my sadness for several reasons:

1. It Blindsides You

I never thought my honesty would lead us to a messy ending. The reasons can be straightforward, leaving me with more unanswered questions and romanticizing the what-could-have-beens.

2. You Feel You Don’t Have Rights 

Being in a situationship feels like you don’t have the privilege to ask for closure, thinking it’s exclusive to those in a serious relationship. The negative emotions I felt were lingering shame and confusion.

3. You’re In Denial

Situationships left me second-guessing everything — from the late-night talks to intimate moments. The possibilities are endless — my previous situationship made me feel like we’re going in the same direction — so I can’t stop ruminating about how someone could let go of that quickly.

How to Get Over a Situationship

Letting him go while still madly in love with him was the most agonizing moment in my life. Losing him means losing our potential. But chasing him would mean losing my self-respect. Here’s what I did to get over the messy situation:

1. Give Yourself Grace

The first step is to accept that your emotions are valid. Rather than feeling guilty for being sad and broken, embrace them and never sweep them under the rug. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions — build an action plan to let go of the past and build on your future.

2. Distance Yourself

It’s normal to feel the urge to stalk their socials, send them a text or view their Spotify listening activity to see if he’s feeling as broken as you are. However, acknowledge the fact that it’s hard to heal in the same place where you’ve been hurting. If you are in the same friend group, reduce the frequency of gatherings or interactions. 

Setting boundaries can help you keep the person out of your mind and, ultimately, your life.

3. Accept the Relationship for What It Was

Many people don’t view situationships as “serious” relationships, so they discount the pain and effort of moving on. Despite the lack of a label, you invested time and energy to be with that person. It’s not like there wasn’t a connection that made you hope for something more. Acknowledging that the absence of labels on your relationship has nothing to do with your sadness is key to moving on.

4. Lean on Your Support System

Reach out to friends and family who’ll listen to you. Try to let go of the embarrassment. True friends will listen to you without judgment and help you realize that this person wasn’t all you imagined them to be in your head.

5. Take Things Slow

Your past heartbreak may lead to trust issues, creating fear in connecting with others again. When re-entering the dating game, remember to take things slow. Around 50% of Americans said you must wait three months before becoming exclusive. Until then, keep your options open and your heart guarded.

6. Focus on What Makes You Happy

Do something that brings you joy, like making plans with a friend, eating out or trying a new sport. Doing these things means you’re not pushing your feelings away but reframing your focus on things that bring you joy. 

Love Yourself

There’s no deadline for getting over a situationship. You don’t have to do these strategies all at once. There will come a time when you wake up and feel ready to move forward. Many people have gotten through it. You will, too.