As the old song goes, breaking up is hard to do. Few people enjoy goodbyes. They’re especially difficult when they occur with someone you’ve come to rely on and trust and who knows many of your most intimate secrets. You might not know how to break up with your therapist, but you may also feel like it’s time. Knowing what to expect and understanding your motivations for doing so can cushion the blow and make parting more sweet than sorrowful. 

Why Should You Break Up With Your Therapist? 4 Good Reasons 

Many people come to think of their therapist as a trusted friend. Even though you share a professional relationship, you also confide in them. In a healthy therapeutic relationship, you’re able to be vulnerable with your treatment provider, confessing things you may not tell anyone else. You develop a degree of trust, and breaking up with your therapist can feel like betraying that confidence. 

However, your therapist is not your friend. Furthermore, therapy doesn’t come cheap, and spending precious resources on something that doesn’t benefit you prevents you from spending it on something that does. Finally, although most therapists mean well, sometimes you simply don’t have the right match. Remaining in an unhealthy therapeutic relationship can do more harm than good, leaving you feeling even more isolated and misunderstood. 

How do you know if it’s time to break up with your therapist? Here are four signs. 

1. You’ve Recovered 

Recovery from mental illness can feel iffy. After all, many such disorders are dynamic. You might feel better for a few days, even weeks — then suffer a devastating setback. The shift in your mood and outlook may not even arise from a subsequent traumatic event. For example, some diseases, like depression, tend toward recurrent episodes throughout your life, and some patients find themselves in a funk again for no discernable reason. 

However, if it has been months since you’ve experienced symptoms, and you begin to resent taking an hour out of your week for therapy instead of looking forward to it, however grudgingly, it could be time to break up with your therapist. Fortunately, you may not have to initiate. Good therapists will recognize your progress and may have already helped you devise an exit strategy. 

If not, your job becomes bringing up all the progress you have made and clearly expressing your desire to leave. You’ll likely have to complete an exit interview and paperwork, but you should be able to part ways with ease and an invitation to return should your symptoms recur. 

2. You Haven’t Made Progress for a Long Time 

A tougher but equally valid reason to break up with your therapist occurs when you haven’t made any progress for a long time. You dutifully show up to every session and do your assigned “homework,” but still struggle to face social situations without alcohol or drugs or maintain steady employment or interpersonal relationships. 

This reason to break up with your therapist requires you to treat your therapist — and yourself — with a gentle touch. It’s natural to feel as if you have failed and become withdrawn. However, please remember therapists aren’t omniscient, and all people harbor biases. Yours simply doesn’t have the right training or personality to connect with you and your needs. It doesn’t imply that there is anything wrong with either of you. 

Depending on how comfortable you feel with your current therapist, you might even ask them for help in finding a replacement. It’s perfectly okay to say that you’d like to try a different approach with someone new. However, if the thought of being that transparent makes you uncomfortable, it’s equally okay to simply say you want to leave. 

3. You Feel Worse After Every Session 

Therapy can make you feel worse sometimes. It can be grueling to deal with past trauma or recognize the anguish your substance use has caused others. However, you should at least feel like you accomplished something at the end of every session, even if you also feel as drained as a well-wrung rag. 

Leaving every session feeling negative without a clear path forward is a sign it may be time to break up with your therapist. You might speak with the office administration to see if you can switch to another provider within the same network, especially if you have limited options for care where you live. Otherwise, ensure you have an alternative support system — family, friends, or a support group that can help you cope with lingering negative feelings. 

4. You Can’t Justify the Financial Strain 

Financial matters often complicate mental health care in complex ways. Worrying about money increases stress, which can worsen your symptoms. Even when you need help, there are times when your wallet says no. 

This reason for breaking up with your therapist is often painful but can lead to productive conversations. Your treatment provider may offer sliding scale fees or know of facilities that do. They may help you apply for financial assistance. Often, your options depend on where you live, but be honest when breaking up with your therapist. They may be able to point you to alternative resources. 

What It’s Like to Break Up With Your Therapist 

Breaking up with your therapist can be emotional. Of course, you might both celebrate all the progress you have made, transforming the occasion into a happy one. 

In most cases, you’ll go through an exit interview process. Your therapist will ask you a series of questions designed to determine whether it’s safe for you to leave therapy. They must use due diligence to determine that you will not harm yourself or others. Answer their questions as honestly as possible. 

Also, make sure you know your next steps. Ask questions, such as:

• What happens if I need to return? Do I need to go through the intake process again, or is there a streamlined procedure?
• How can I get a copy of my medical records? 
• What is the contact information of any alternative providers or support groups that may also offer help? 

Breaking Up With Your Therapist 

Breaking up with your therapist can be a happy occasion when you’ve made the progress you desired. Although it can be less pleasant for other reasons, the process need not be scary. Knowing what to expect and lining up your alternatives can help you transition from your therapeutic relationship to whatever comes next.