How to Become a More Subtle Flirt

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Author Name: Mia Barnes
Date: Tuesday September 17, 2019

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So you wanna learn how to flirt, huh? If your current romantic advances usually end with awkward silence, uncomfortable conversation or flat out rejection, it’s possible that you may be coming on too strong. Fortunately, learning how to flirt subtly may just transform the way you approach others — and the way they approach you.

Wondering How to Flirt Subtly? Here Are 5 Proven Tricks You Need to Know

Flirting isn’t some ambiguous concept that we have to master. In fact, it’s sort of like a science. With the right tips and tricks in mind, you can express your interest in someone without coming off too strong in the process. Not sure how? Here’s a list of guidelines you’ll want to check out.

1. Put Down the Alcohol

By nature, you may be an anxious or awkward person. No judgment — we’ve all tripped over our two left feet while walking toward a crush with a goofy smile on our face.

Drinking too much can offset your body’s balance of neurotransmitters — which can lead to unintended feelings of depression or anxiety instead. So if you’re at a bar and catch a cutie from a few bar stools away, don’t fall into the liquid courage trap.

2. Crack a Joke

They say laughter’s the best medicine — for anyone really. But when it comes to flirting, a giggle or two may just be your love potion.

Laughter is psychologically proven to relax your muscles, improve mood and alleviate any tension or anxiety you may be feeling. When you’re making the “first move” toward someone, you want to appear calm, cool and collected, so we’d say cracking a joke or two or playfully joking around with the person you’re interested in is a great icebreaker. On your end, you’ll feel more relaxed and at ease. As an added bonus, you’ll help make the other person feel more comfortable and open to prospective conversation too.

3. Mimic Body Language

People love to meet people who mirror their own identity. Call it narcissism, a comfort of familiarity or whatever else you’d like — the fact is, we bond better with individuals who mirror our emotions and gestures. And if you’re wondering how to flirt subtly without looking overzealous, mirroring is your perfect sneaky trick that will help you master the technique of wooing.

If you’re at the office and have been waiting for the perfect opportunity to make a low-key move toward the new guy or girl in the office, start by striking up a conversation with them. Attune yourself to their body language and expressions. If you’re sitting at a desk across from them and they lean forward, try to lean your body a little closer to them too. If they appear animated and cheesy during conversations, put a smile on your face in response.

Subtle cues like body mimicry let the other people know you’re on the same page as them, making it easier to promote an environment of relaxation and mutual understanding. Just remember, the emphasis is on “subtle.”

4. Find Some Common Ground (and Stay Away from Awkward Comments)

Regardless of your gender or sexual identity, if you’re wondering how to flirt subtly, there’s one common rule of thumb that you should follow — always make the conversation comfortable. Nobody wants to feel like they’re a piece of meat or prospective prey. Instead of walking over to a stranger and saying, “Your body looks delicious,” try finding a conversation starter that doesn’t make the other person feel like a juicy piece of steak dangling before a hungry wolf who’s ready to pounce.

Not sure how to approach the situation? Find some common ground or relatable topics to break the ice. If John from the office happens to frequent your favorite cafe, try approaching him at work and asking him if he has any coffee recommendations from that particular spot.

Conversations that center on common interest or your subtle observations are the perfect way to put yourself out there — in the right way.

5. Just Be Nice

Chivalry is not dead — whether you’re a man or a woman. You’ve probably heard the common stereotypes that women like bad boys or that being a little snippy can make you more desirable. I’m here to tell you that those conceptions couldn’t be any further from the truth.

The reality is that kindness always wins. Imagine you’re sitting in the airport and lock eyes with someone sitting across from you. You smile and quickly look away. When you board your flight, that individual happens to be on the very same plane as you. When a man on crutches next to you struggles to load his luggage into the overhead storage space, you can either:

  1. Ignore him and carry on with your day
  2. Offer to help

Which choice do you think makes you seem more desirable?

Research studies have backed the notion that kindness and positive personality traits make you appear more physically attractive — which is a phenomenon known as the ‘halo effect.’ So open the door for your next date. Say thanks when someone does something polite. A bit of kindness really does go a long way.

Now, It’s Time to Flirt

Now that you know how to flirt with just the right amount of strength, hopefully you’re ready to get back into the game. So get your flirt on. Go out and connect with the person who has been capturing your attention. Who knows — when you master your flirting, you may just find yourself putting in the work toward a new prospective relationship. Relationships are key to our psychological well-being, after all.

If you’re looking to be more subtle this time around, you may find yourself expecting a tip about calming down with a glass of wine on this how to flirt subtly guide. But remember: That added cup of alcohol may do you more harm than good!

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