Your sex drive isn’t always going to show up on cue, and that’s completely normal. But it can be frustrating if you keep finding yourself not in the mood. You might feel guilty for turning your partner down, or notice a bit of distance creeping in. On the other side, it can affect their confidence, too. So, if you’ve been wondering how to increase your sex drive, here are some ways to do it.

1. Get Enough Sleep

Various internal and external factors influence your sexual desire — or libido. Your sleeping habits are one of them, since they influence hormone production, energy levels and mood. Studies have shown that women dealing with sleep apnea or insomnia are more likely to experience low sexual desire. They may also find it more difficult to feel aroused or reach orgasms, compared to women who sleep well. 

It’s not just a woman’s issue either. When men don’t get enough rest, their bodies can struggle to produce testosterone properly. Lower testosterone levels are linked to a drop in sex drive across the board. 

That’s why you should always aim to get seven to nine hours of quality sleep each night. Try to keep a consistent sleep schedule, even on weekends, so your body knows when it’s time to wind down. If you find it hard to fall asleep, consider keeping your bedroom cool, dark and quiet. It might also help to cut back on late-night screen time.

2. Manage Stress and Anxiety

It’s hard to be in the mood when you’re dealing with stress and anxiety. Stress from work deadlines, financial pressure or just the general pace of life can dial down your desire and make intimacy feel like one more thing on your plate. 

The same goes for anxiety. You may experience anxiety due to everyday life pressures or from concerns specifically related to sex. Either way, it can lead to fatigue and reduced interest in intimacy. As time goes on, this can create a cycle where low desire contributes to relationship strain or lowered self-confidence, which in turn increases stress. Research has also shown that erectile dysfunction is more common and severe in people with anxiety disorders. This can discourage someone from initiating or engaging in sex.

While you cannot remove all stress from your life, you can learn to manage it better. Breathing techniques are a good place to start. Try inhaling for a count of five and exhaling for five, and repeat until you feel more relaxed. Activities like yoga may also help reduce stress by combining slow movements with deep breathing.

3. Eat a Healthier Diet

Your libido is typically one of the first things to dip when your body doesn’t get the nutrition it needs. Poor dietary habits can contribute to health conditions that interfere with sexual activity. 

For example, long-term narrowing of the lung’s blood vessels can put extra strain on the right side of the heart. This can reduce blood flow to the genitals and lead to less natural lubrication in women. Hormonal conditions, such as polycystic ovarian syndrome, can also disrupt libido by throwing hormone levels out of balance.

On the flip side, eating well contributes to a healthier sex drive by supporting circulation, hormone regulation and overall energy. Focus on meals that include plenty of vegetables, lean proteins and less added sugar. You can also eat certain foods for extra support, such as apples. Regular apple consumption has been linked to better vaginal lubrication and improved sexual function.

4. Explore Aphrodisiacs

Aphrodisiacs, by definition, are foods or substances that are thought to increase sexual desire or pleasure. The idea that certain foods can spark sexual desire has been around forever. Although not all of it is backed by strong evidence, a few show promise.

Oysters are the classic example, largely because they are packed with zinc. This mineral may increase blood flow to the sex organs and, in men, help regulate testosterone and support sperm production. If oysters aren’t your thing, you can find zinc in foods like beef, pork, blue crab, baked beans and fortified cereals. 

You may also have heard about fruits like figs, bananas and avocados for libido support. This is because they’re rich in vitamins and minerals that help with circulation and overall sexual health, even if they’re not instant game changers.

A glass of red wine can help set the mood as well, partly because it helps you relax. Some research suggests that wine may benefit erectile function and support reproductive health due to its antioxidant properties and its effects on blood vessels. Keep in mind, however, that too much alcohol can have the opposite effect.

5. Check Your Relationship With Your Partner

Before you assume something is wrong with your body, it’s worth looking at what’s happening between you and your partner. Sex drive is closely tied to emotional connection, communication and how you feel in the relationship overall. It’s common for couples to experience periods where sexual interest declines, but it can also stem from underlying issues that haven’t been addressed.

Learn how to talk openly and honestly with your partner. Let them know what you like, what you don’t and what you might want more of — both inside and outside of the bedroom — to help rebuild that connection. It also helps to make more effort in your daily life to restore a sense of closeness. You can plan date nights, do activities you both enjoy or simply set aside uninterrupted time together.

6. Add a Little Bit of Spice

Sometimes, the reason you’re never in the mood is that sex has started to feel a bit like a routine. When something feels routine, you’re naturally less excited about it. Foreplay is a good way to fix this problem. Spend more time on touching, kissing, oral sex or even trying sex toys if that feels right for you. 

Foreplay helps increase blood flow to the genitals, too, which helps with arousal and natural lubrication to make sex more comfortable and enjoyable. Plus, it helps you last longer, makes orgasm more likely, builds intimacy and makes everything feel more fun. Certain activities — such as kissing — can help your body release feel-good hormones like oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine. These hormones help you relax and stay present. 

7. Talk to Your Doctor About It

Sex drive can go up and down depending on what’s going on in your life, and not wanting sex at all can be completely normal. But if your libido feels low all the time, no matter what you try, and it’s starting to bother you, it’s probably time to talk to a doctor. It might sound embarrassing and intimidating, but rest assured that it’s a very normal topic.

To make things easier, go in with a bit of prep. Think about when the issue started and how often it happens. Make a note of any health conditions you have, as well as any medications, vitamins or supplements you are taking. You can also write down a few questions, like what might be causing it and what you can do to improve it.

Turn the Spark Back On

While sex is not everything, it’s an important part of many relationships. Low libido may suggest that your body is asking for better rest, less stress, better food, more connection or simply a little more fun and intimacy. Remember, your sex life is part of your overall health, and it deserves the same attention as anything else.