How to Share Insecurities with a Partner

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Author Name: Beth Rush
Date: Wednesday April 29, 2020

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When you began dating your partner, everything was fun and new. You looked forward to every text and phone call because you were still getting to know each other. Even though falling in love can be wonderful, you may also deal with some personal baggage from previous relationships or experiences.

Everyone learns how to deal with their fears in new relationships with time. You may worry your partner isn’t as interested in you anymore or wants something different from your future together. Whatever’s on your mind should be addressed, but how can you do that without seeming clingy or jumping ahead of things?

Read on for a guide to sharing insecurities with a partner to have a safe, healthy discussion about whatever’s bothering you. After you know how to start the conversation and handle your part in it, you learn more about your partner and if your relationship will last.

1. Consider What’s on Your Mind

The first thing you should do before you talk with your significant other is to consider what’s on your mind. If your problem is their lack of communication, the real root of the problem may be your experience with people ghosting you in the past. 

Most insecurities are related to your history and experiences, so think about what you want to address ahead of time. You’ll have a more meaningful conversation if you’re able to explain why you’re worried or scared about the subject at hand.

2. Think About Your Partner

Everyone has a preferred method of communication, even if they aren’t fully aware of it. How your partner communicates will make your conversation stronger, so review methods of communication and see which ones your partner uses the most often. 

Do they understand things better if they read a text or letter? Maybe they always want to resolve arguments in person because they prefer talking face-to-face. Tailor your conversation so they understand what you’re saying as easily as possible.

3. Open With Honesty

Your partner wants your honesty, so open with it. Let them know that you’ve been struggling lately and how your insecurities may have affected how you treated them in recent days or weeks. They’ll appreciate your sincerity and take the matter more seriously once they see how much it means to you.

4. Choose Your Words Wisely

Using the wrong words could cause your partner to get defensive and stop listening to you. As you think through what you’ll say, avoid choosing accusatory words that have negative connotations. Assumptions and accusations won’t help keep the line of communication open and will only result in an argument that doesn’t help either of you.

5. Watch Your Body Language

Your body language speaks volumes before you ever utter a word. Think about how you’ll steer clear of bad body language like crossing your arms, rolling your eyes or avoiding eye contact while your partner talks. Even if you do these things without meaning to, they’ll demonstrate defensiveness and an unwillingness to listen when your partner responds.

6. Listen With an Open Mind

After you open your heart and say what’s been bothering or scaring you, it’s time to listen with an open mind. Your significant other may not be able to relate to your insecurities or understand them, so take that into account when they respond.

They may also react with their fears or insecurities. That doesn’t necessarily mean you did anything wrong. The conversation is about creating more honesty and openness, so have patience with your partner when they open their heart to you.

7. Look for Support

Any significant other who genuinely loves and cares about their partner will show support when a personal or touchy subject arises. Do they reach out to hold you while you speak? Maybe they respond by saying how sorry they are and offer to do anything they can to make you more comfortable. 

If they don’t provide comfort and instead get angry or refuse to listen, they may not be mature enough for a relationship.

Wait Until You’re Ready

When the discussion about your insecurities begins, you should feel ready to sort things out. The right partner will recognize your nervousness, hear you out and offer comfort without getting upset. If you use these tips, the conversation will go smoothly and you’ll feel better once you and your significant other have an understanding about what’s on your mind.

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