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Fighting with your partner is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it shows how honest and emotional you can be with them, which is always present even in a healthy relationship. However, it can also incite negativity and pain from both sides. As things get tense, it’s important to recognize the power of silence in an argument. Stay quiet and reset.

Why Is Silence Good in an Argument

Arguments entail so much verbal talk between two parties, making silence a breath of fresh air. It allows you to control the pace of the conversation and gives you a headspace to think. 

1. To Avoid Escalating the Fight

Everyone reacts differently to an argument. Unfortunately, some people’s main instinct is to be counter-aggressive. Whether it’s to hurt back their partner or be defensive, they pour out their anger in the open. 

Everyone has a right to be angry, but this reaction is not the solution. If anything, counter-aggression can escalate the problem and hurt your loved one. Silence is a way to keep yourself quiet amidst those strong feelings. 

2. To Process Emotions

Speaking of strong feelings, you might want to process them a little bit in the midst of the silence. Are you feeling angry or sad? What’s the specific reason why you’re feeling that way? Do you have any needs your partner isn’t fulfilling?

When you’re fighting with your partner, you might need to hold a conversation with yourself first. Focus on assessing your personal feelings to get to the root of the problem. You can implore your partner to do the same thing.

3. To Provide Respect for Other Parties

Heated fights are difficult to handle because both parties want to get their words in. However, talking over one another is quite toxic. Use the power of silence in an argument to let each other keep their word.

In a healthy relationship, both parties will know they must take turns being silent and talking. Granted, this dynamic can shift depending on the problem and whether one person has more to say or not. Just prioritize being respectful of one another. 

4. To Realize Your Stance

An argument is full of noise, which can sometimes distract a couple from its objective. Silence is a chance to evaluate and realize what you want to gain outside of the fight. Ask yourselves what started it in the first place.

For example, maybe you were feeling neglected. Do you simply want your feelings validated? Do you think your partner should change their ways? Or are you contemplating breaking up? Silence can give you the headspace to think about whether it’s you and your partner versus the problem or simply you against them.

How to Use the Power of Silence in an Argument

Being silent is a strong tool in an argument with your significant other. However, it’s important to wield it with thoughtfulness and care for an effective outcome.

1. Talk About Pausing

There’s a difference between silent treatment and the power of silence in an argument. The former is a complete refusal to communicate, which may be viewed as emotional abuse as it causes plenty of anxiety. The latter acts as a breathing room in between conversations.

If an argument is too heated, talk with your partner about putting a pin in it first. Say things are getting out of hand and you want to calm down first. Set a date to revisit the ordeal— hopefully, when both parties aren’t as stressed. 

2. Find the Right Words First

During the silent period, figure out the right words first. Conveying what you actually mean can make or break an argument. It’s also a chance to evaluate whether you’re being too negative toward them and vice versa, allowing you to opt for more neutral or positive words. 

Aside from finding the right words, contemplate the approach as well. It’s ideal to be assertive, but you don’t want to lean into arrogance. Be sensitive as well, as you’re talking to your significant other. How you say your peace can impact the flow of the conversation. 

3. Allow Them to Talk

Use the power of silence in an argument to prompt them to speak. Keeping quiet is a great way to let your partner know they should also talk and be vulnerable. It is especially helpful for those who tend to bottle up their feelings. Remember to be wary of an outburst though, so prepare some tissues.

4. Learn to Listen to Each Other

Another way to use silence is as breathing room to listen to each other. Rather than thinking of what you’re going to say next, keep quiet and digest what your loved one is actually saying. Processing what they’re saying is key to understanding their point of view and getting through your problem together. 

5. Be Quiet with One Another

Words of affirmation are powerful love language, but they may not be what you actually need. Consider exploring other expressions while being verbally quiet. For example, about 38% of Americans prefer quality time, so you can focus on sitting together. Do your hobbies while in the company of one another. 

Meanwhile, about 24% are attuned to physical touch. Focusing on just holding hands or hugging in silence can be an excellent fix for couples whose source of frustration is touch starvation. It’s also just a nice source of comfort.

6. Reassess How Things Were Handled

Once an argument has been resolved, you can use the power of silence to reflect on how things were handled. Is there something you wish you two had done differently? Would you have wanted to hit pause a little sooner rather than later? 

Coordinate how to use the quiet to your advantage for future fights. You can also point out times when the silence felt uncomfortable. That way, you can focus on making it a tool rather than a weapon in the future. 

Hush in the Heat of the Moment

The power of silence in an argument deserves much more recognition. It can allow couples to pause and reflect on their predicament before moving forward. Consider communicating with your partner to be quiet and reflect your feelings together.