Sex and Trust: Why They’re Connected and How to Fix It

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Author Name: Beth Rush
Date: Sunday September 6, 2020

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People never used to talk about their sex lives. It was a private, off-limits subject that was often surrounded by more fear than understanding. In the last few decades, that taboo has faded with time.

Now it’s strange not to joke about your sex life. Everyone’s encouraged to explore and learn about themselves, but part of recognizing your identity is grappling with the balance of trust and physical intimacy.

Read on to discover why sex and trust are connected and how you can repair that trust if it’s broken. Whether you want to mend a relationship or heal after trauma, you can use these tips to move forward. 

Physical Intimacy Is Vulnerability

Movies and TV shows can give the impression that having a one-night stand is easy. You find someone you’re attracted to, and nature takes over. Vulnerability rarely enters the conversation, even though it’s an essential part of having sex for most people.

Everything about sex is vulnerable. You take off your clothes and bond with another person on a level that goes way beyond a coffee date. You might feel physically and emotionally exposed, which is completely normal. If you find someone you trust for your hook up, relationship or whatever you’re looking for, the intimacy will feel more natural.

Broken Trust and Infidelity

You may struggle with a sense of broken trust because a partner cheated on you. You opened yourself to them physically and emotionally. They had a special place in your heart and knew you more intimately than anyone else. It hurts when they break that trust. You might feel betrayed or replaced, which makes it painful to trust others with sex in the future.

Start With Honesty

Recognizing the connection between sex and trust is an important step to take. Afterward, you must do the hard work to repair the trust. If you’re in a relationship, you can both start with more honesty.

Honesty is an emotional way to display trust. It paves the way for trust regarding how you feel about a meal your partner cooks or what you think about the way they treat you. It may take time, but every step forward will build new mutual trust and make intimacy easier as you both heal.

Recognize the Risks

There can’t be trust without some form of risk. You’re putting yourself out there and relying on someone, which takes control away from you. It’s okay to feel scared or nervous when you try to repair trust with someone or open your heart again. 

The more you extend your trust by resisting fear and anger, you’ll feel safer with intimacy because you’ll practice risk-taking every day. Holding hands, flirting and even initiating sex are all steps forward that may seem scary until you try again.

Identify Your Comfort Zone

One last thing to do is identify your comfort zone. You might be healing from a traumatic relationship or event that makes sex uncomfortable for you. As you build trust with yourself and others, figure out what makes your heart sing instead of panic. 

Your physical intimacy with your partner can return with gradually easing back into your sexuality. Take time to heal, and your sex life will become pleasurable again.

Give Yourself Grace

In a world where sex is supposed to be casual, it’s difficult to give yourself grace and acknowledge the link between sex and trust. Whether you’re looking to repair trust with your partner or heal from your past, using these steps to rebuild that trust will help you reconnect with your sexuality.

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