You’re engaged to a partner who makes you happy and you’re daydreaming about planning your wedding. It’s exciting to write your vows and taste test food with potential vendors, but getting married is a big decision. You want to make sure you’re doing the right thing before you walk down the aisle.
If you’re wondering whether you’re marrying the right person, read this checklist to see if they’re ready to become your future spouse.
When you begin a marriage, you form a team with your partner. They’re supposed to cheer you on emotionally and intellectually. When you want to step out and try a new hobby or go back to school, they should support what makes you feel fulfilled. Overly-critical partners don’t put their significant others first and would stifle any future growth you may want to experience one day.
Your partner shouldn’t be stuck in a negative mood or be so moody that you’re never sure if it’s safe to talk with them about unhappy topics. Moody or silent people don’t foster emotionally safe relationships where you can feel comfortable letting your guard down. You’ll know if your partner isn’t emotionally reliable if they’re always defensive or make you uncomfortable to express your authentic self around them.
Thinking about your significant other as a roommate isn’t very romantic, but it’s practical. Do they have habits that you can’t stand, like living in filth or overcleaning behind your every move? How often do you argue about the shared responsibilities in your living arrangement? Your marriage will be significantly more strained if you’re not compatible roommates.
If you prefer not to live together before marriage, talk about how you’ll live after your ceremony. Discuss their expectations for your home, who does which chores and which habits they may be willing to concede to compromise and reach an agreement. Everyone has to get used to living with their partner when they move in together, but talking about these things before the big move will call attention to certain lifestyle habits you may not be aware of or want to make clear.
Although great chemistry isn’t a reason to get married, it’s definitely a sign that you’re engaged to the right person. Your partner should sexually fulfill you and view sexual intimacy in the same way. You can look for signs of chemistry with your partner, like being aware of their touch or feeling butterflies after you kiss. If you catch yourself feeling attracted to other people, it’s likely a sign that your relationship isn’t as sexually fulfilling as it should be.
Romantic and sexual needs are different things, but your future spouse should meet both of them. Do they speak your love language and demonstrate their love outside of the bedroom? Romantic actions, like giving gifts or spending quality time with you, show that they care for you and respect you. Respect is an essential part of the foundation of every marriage.
When two people can’t communicate well, it affects every aspect of their relationship. A lack of communication also comes in third place when couples list why they got divorced. Think about how well your partner listens and talks with you.
Keep in mind that this skill is something you’ll both improve over your lifetimes, so never stop looking for new ways to stay in touch with your significant other. Improved communication will build trust between you, solidifying your marriage foundation even during difficult times.
Your values are a core part of your identity. Your future spouse should share those values or at least respect them as much as their own. Feeling embarrassed or ashamed of your religious or political beliefs will make you uncomfortable to express your true self in your marriage, which should never be the case when you’re with someone who’s supposed to love and honor you.
After reading through this list, you may still wonder if you’re marrying the right person. Marriage counseling often helps couples through this time of questioning. A licensed therapist will guide you through the necessary discussions to help you decide if you’re right for each other. Take the time to figure these things out together and you’ll begin your marriage on solid ground.