It doesn’t matter if you or your former partner did the dumping — like the old song says, breaking up is hard to do. Your mind spins with questions of what you could have done differently or where things went wrong.
How can you get closure from a breakup? While healing takes time and self-care, the nine tips below can help you find inner peace.
1. Take Time Alone
Your first instinct might be to jump back into the dating game immediately — especially if you feel rejected. However, it isn’t OK to play games with someone else’s heart while you’re trying to heal yours.
Before you update your Tinder posting, take the time to reflect. Every relationship, no matter how much it went sour, offers you valuable lessons about yourself. Rushing out to date distracts you from the soul work it takes to realize what you learned.
2. Write Lists
Writing lists serves multiple healing purposes. Are you still simmering with resentment at the way your former partner behaved? Jot down all the things you no longer have to put up with — from their refusal to take off their shoes in your house to the way they chewed with their mouth open — and vent.
You can also use lists to identify the traits you do and don’t want in your next relationship. Was your former partner notoriously unreliable? Write that you seek a partner who shows up on time — not two hours late.
3. Pump up the Jams
Guess what? Breaking up is so hard to do, thousands of artists in every musical genre have written ballads about it.
It doesn’t matter if you like death metal, pop or rap. You can create the ultimate breakup playlist and ease your tumultuous emotions through song.
4. Reach Out to Your Circle
Did you fall out of touch with your BFF when your former partner swept you off your feet? While you might need to grovel a bit, here’s your chance to reconnect.
Give your best friend a call and propose a girls’ or guys’ night out. If you disappeared from the radar when you fell head over heels, offer to buy dinner or the first couple of rounds of cocktails.
5. Clean Out Your Closets
Just when you think you’re getting over your ex, you find his sweater still in your closet. Now, you’re a sobbing heap hoping for one more whiff of their signature scent.
If things ended on neutral or positive terms, of course, you should return the items. However, if things became explosive, donate those old duds they left behind to a worthy cause. You’ll exorcise old ghosts while doing a kind deed.
6. Explore a New Interest
When we say to explore a new interest, that doesn’t necessarily mean the romantic variety. Did your old partner roll his eyes at your interest in learning how to crochet a blanket? Sign up for a class.
Now is your opportunity to explore all the things that make you tick without fear of criticism. Work on advanced Ashtanga yoga if that’s your passion. You might look silly trying to get both legs behind your head, but your pet kitty won’t laugh at you.
7. Take a Solo Road Trip
It doesn’t take much moolah to go on a road trip, so if you have paid leave to spend, why not hit the open road? Give yourself peace of mind by getting your car serviced and oil changed, then throw a dart at the map.
Travel broadens your horizons while soothing your soul. When you stare at something as magnificent as the Grand Canyon or the red rocks of Sedona, you’ll realize your troubles mean little in the vast scheme of things.
8. Evaluate Your Boundaries
Did your ex-partner insist on checking your text messages? Did they go through your computer or even your purse without permission?
Use your healing closure from breakup time to establish healthy boundaries for when you do fall in love again. Setting firm ground rules ensures your future partners give you the respect you deserve.
9. Treat Yourself Kindly
Last but not least, be kind to yourself and practice oodles of self-care while you heal. The stress of separation sets off a series of physiological reactions in your body, ramping up your production of stress hormones and leaving you off-balance. Part of getting closure from a breakup entails regaining your equilibrium and sense of inner peace.
Treat yourself to long, luxurious bubble baths. Take yourself for a mani-pedi or book a full spa day complete with massage if you have the means. Buy yourself that novel you’ve wanted to read forever.
Imagine your best friend broke up with their SO. Treat yourself the way you would them — by showering yourself with love.
Get Closure From Your Breakup With the 9 Tips Above
It’s challenging to get closure from a breakup regardless of how things ended. Use the nine tips above to regain your inner peace and heal.