How to Move On After Breaking up with Someone You Loved

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Early Red Flags in Relationships to Be on the Lookout For
Author Name: Mia Barnes
Date: Tuesday February 11, 2020

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You thought this was your special person. Everything was sunshine, rainbows and the occasional storm cloud, but you knew how to handle it. But then things just started to go to the wayside and all of a sudden that fairy tale romance didn’t feel so much like a fairy tale anymore.

You know in your heart that things have to end, but you also still love them so much. So how do you break things off?

It may be tough, but we’re here to help you understand how to break up with someone you love and actually move on.

Nine Reasons That Let You Know It’s Time to Let Them Go

So you’re considering ending things with someone that you love, but you aren’t completely sure. Here are nine reasons that will help you know it’s time to let them go and move on.

1. Your Needs Aren’t Being Met or You Are Seeking Them Elsewhere

One big reason to let someone you love go is that your needs aren’t being met in the relationship. Maybe you want comfort, affection or just someone to talk to. Whatever your need is, your partner isn’t able to or won’t give it to you.

This starts to get more dangerous when you begin to look for needs somewhere else. Although it isn’t always the case, seeking your needs elsewhere could potentially lead to cheating, which will make the entire situation, including the break-up, worse.

2. Your Friends and Family Are Not Supportive

This could occur for a number of reasons. Those reasons could include that your significant other is rude to other people, they don’t seem right for you, or that the relationship is simply unhealthy. Your friends and family have known you for a long time and, for the most part, they can look from an objective standpoint outside of the relationship.

They may be able to see more than you can within the relationship. So, whether or not your family and friends are supportive can be a big deciding factor for breaking up with someone you love.

Of course, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes your significant other can be amazing and your friends or family are just feeling left out or overprotective. Usually, though, it’s easy to discern between the two different dynamics.

3. You Fight Nonstop

Nobody likes to fight! It’s one thing to go through a rough patch with your significant other, but when the fighting is nonstop and has been going on for a long time, then it’s time to leave.

Relationships can have their arguments, but fighting should not be most of what your relationship consists of.

4. You Stopped Making an Effort or You Are the Only One Sacrificing

It is extremely important to be in tune with yourself in situations like this. If you have stopped caring or making an effort within the relationship, you should ask yourself why you are still in the relationship in the first place.

On the other hand, if you are the only one making an effort or making sacrifices, then you should consider if this is what you want in a relationship. Relationships are supposed to be an equal give-and-take. When only one half is giving, it can take a heavy toll on that half.

5. You Don’t Like Yourself

If you don’t like who you become around your partner, or who you’ve become because of your partner, then it is most likely time to cut ties. It is most important to like who you are as a person because, at the end of the day, you are the person you have to be.

You can’t break up with yourself!

6. Your Values Don’t Align

Sometimes, when you enter a relationship, values and life trajectories don’t seem as important to consider. We want to have fun — the more serious stuff can come later, right?

In some cases that’s true, but in other cases you can’t ignore these serious conversations because your values and what you want out of life determine how you act and what you do.

If you and your significant other have different values, this is bound to impact your relationship negatively. It could cause fights, misunderstandings or even resentment. It’s better to dive into your differences and determine if these are things that you can compromise on.

If not, then you have a decision to make.

7. You’ve Grown Apart

Growing apart may happen over a period of time or fairly quickly. The signs can include not paying attention to each other, not doing favors for each other, not agreeing on anything, wanting to spend time without the other most of the time, and the ending of physical and emotional intimacy.

Experiencing a distance in your relationship can be tough to handle and cope with. If attempts to close the gap don’t work, then you may simply need to walk away.

8. You’ve Been “Working on It” for Too Long

Maybe you’ve noticed all of these signs and have talked to your partner about them. You both agreed to “work on it,” but nothing has changed and the “work on it” conversation happened months ago.

You can only work on a relationship for so long before the “work” seems pointless due to a lack of change. At that point, it’s usually clear that your significant other doesn’t care enough to make an attempt. Although you love them, that’s a quality you should be okay with walking away from.

9. Breaking Up Is Always on Your Mind

Finally, breaking up with them is always on your mind. As humans, we tend to have a hard time listening to our subconscious or our gut feelings. But sometimes it’s important to take a second and listen to them.

If you are always thinking about breaking up or why breaking up would be better for both of you, then it’s probably a good idea to listen to that thought and take the step. Staying in a relationship when breaking up is always on your mind is bound to cause even more problems.

Consider These Last Efforts Before Ending It

Perhaps you’re wondering if there is still a chance things could get better. If this is the case, don’t pull the trigger on ending things quite yet.

Give it a little bit of time and consider trying out these last-ditch efforts. If you still have that gut feeling after trying these tactics, then it’s time to have the talk with your significant other.

1. Be Honest and Open

First things first. If you haven’t talked to them about any of these problems, they may not realize there are issues in the first place or how much you are hurt by these things. Sit down with them and have an honest and open conversation.

If they care about you and your feelings and want to fix things, they will listen and try to make a change. If they don’t, then you will have your answer.

2. Make Efforts to Rekindle the Flame

This one can be a little hard if both of you are busy, but it’s worth a try. Consider doing small things to show them you love them and are thinking about them. This could be sending them flowers at work, writing notes for them to see in the morning, or trying to start a regular date night.

A larger way of rekindling the flame could be taking a “baecation” — a vacation with your significant other, a.k.a your “bae.” Or, you could potentially go on a couple’s retreat or find things that are fun that will help bring excitement back into the relationship.

Esther Boykin, a marriage and family therapist, says that,“in a long-term relationship, it requires a conscious effort to make fun a priority.”

3. Seek Professional Help

It can be hard for couples to admit that they feel like their relationship needs professional help. Most will simply end things before they give therapy a chance because of the stigma. Just know that there is no shame in asking for help from an outside source.

Psychology Today reports that couples counseling that employs “emotionally focused therapy,” or EFT, is about 75% effective and also works across different cultural groups and issues that couples face, such as handling a chronically ill child or dealing with infertility. 

So don’t be afraid to ask for help!

Eight Tips for How to Break Up With Someone You Love

If you have made it this far, you may have made your decision and are now ready to learn how to break up with someone you love. So take a deep breath — everything is going to be okay. You can do this!

1. Have an Open Conversation in Person

Though it will be nerve-racking, this break-up conversation should be done in person. This shows that you respect and love them enough to not just send a text and call it a day.

The conversation should also be an open one. Answer all of their questions and be completely honest about why you are doing what you are doing. This will help both of you understand each other better and hopefully lower the chance of a breakup involving lots of resentment.

2. Stick to Your Decision

Make sure you stick to your guns on this decision. Once you make it and have the conversation, don’t go back on your decision. Remember that you have decided to break up for a reason and that your reason is valid and important.

3. Accept That Being Uncomfortable Is a Part of Life

Accept the fact that you will feel uncomfortable both during the breakup and for some time after. Being uncomfortable is normal, especially when you just left someone that you love.

It’ll take time to be okay with this feeling, but this time will allow you to learn more about yourself and grow as a person.

4. Make Sure Boundaries Are Respected

Always respect the boundaries of the person that you are breaking up with and make sure that they respect yours. If they are uncomfortable being around you for a while, then make sure to give them space. If they don’t want to hug you, then respect that.

Boundaries are key to getting past a breakup, moving on and potentially still keeping a friend. 

5. Rely on Your Support System

In difficult times, especially fresh breakups, it is imperative to rely on your support system. Surround yourself with friends and family who care about and love you.

Being around people who can bring your mood up and make you laugh will keep you from dwelling on the hurt. All in all, your support system will be there to help you move on and be fully happy again.

6. Create Distance

A big struggle that people find themselves in when breaking up with someone that they still love is not giving themselves or each other distance and time to process everything. Seeing your ex constantly can make it hard for you to move on successfully.

So make sure to create distance, even though it may hurt. Doing this will give you the time and space you need to work through all of your emotions.

7. Focus on Yourself

It is also important to focus on yourself during this time. Remember that at the end of the day you have to be able to like and live with yourself.

Focus on yourself, re-learn what makes you “you,” what makes you happy, what you are looking for and the things that you love. Doing this will help you have fun, find what you are passionate about again and, most importantly, get your mind off the breakup.

8. Forgive Yourself

Lastly, forgive yourself if you feel like the breakup didn’t go as smoothly as you intended. Certain things are out of your control and relationships are a two-way road. Remember that you tried your best and then forgive yourself.

Breaking up, in general, can be hard. When you love the person you’re breaking up with, it can become even harder. But remember that you are here for a reason and that your feelings are valid. No matter what happens, everything will be just fine in the end.

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