---

Remember 500 Days of Summer or other similar romance films where the main character seemed to obsess over the people they love? There’s much debate over whether it’s healthy or normal for protagonists to think and feel so much about their love interest. Somewhere along the way, the discussion also dives into real-life scenarios.

Thoughts about the person you are in a relationship with or pining over can initially seem regular. However, having it become an obsession can start to be unhealthy. If you find that everything in your life depends on your partner or that you simply think about them at every waking moment, hit pause. It may be time to learn how to stop obsessive thoughts about a person.

Why Am I Obsessing Over a Person So Much?

There are many reasons why you’re constantly thinking about your loved one. From limerence to codependency to obsessive love disorder, involuntary obsessing over people has been around for a while. Here’s an overview of these different terms:

• Limerence: Limerence is an involuntary thought process of wanting someone to look their way. Most people who undergo limerence seek affection or approval from another person. This kind of obsessive attachment can either be in a romantic or non-romantic context.

• Codependency: Co-dependency is a state of mind where one person is overly reliant on something or someone. Co-dependent people may be well-intentioned and genuine but struggle with low self-esteem and neediness. These characteristics make them dependent on other aspects of life, including people and their relationships. 

• Obsessive love disorder: Obsessive love disorder is a hyperfixation of a particular person. This condition can be a subcategory of relationship OCD as it influences your relationship with a person. A negative line of overthinking involving jealousy and doubts is usually what separates this from other forms of obsessive thoughts.

How to Stop Obsessive Thoughts About a Person

It’s natural to adore the person you love. However, it can start getting unhealthy when the thought of them starts to keep you up every night. This guide can help you determine how to stop obsessive thoughts about a person.

1. Meditate on Your Thoughts

Consider meditating on how your obsessive thoughts affect you, your relationship and the person you love. Do you find yourself unable to function when they are not around? Do you think that your partner or crush is uncomfortable? Is your line of thinking creating any strains that can harm your connection to the person you love?

2. Figure Out Your Options

When you recognize your obsessive thoughts about your beloved, it’s vital to take action. Here are some options to consider:

• Communicate: Sometimes, there are reasons behind the obsessive thoughts. Maybe that person ghosted you in the middle of your relationship or they hurt you. It can help to reach out to the other person for some closure. You can also communicate for the sake of airing out your feelings and working together against your intrusive thoughts.

• Cut contact: If you realize that your obsessive thoughts are hurtful to you and the person you love, you can initiate a breakup. Cutting contact with someone you adore or are infatuated with can be difficult. However, the split can be a last resort when you have exhausted other ways of clearing your obsessive thoughts.

• Create distance: Some people find it hard to keep themselves out of proximity to the person they love. In those cases, slowly building up distance can help. Unfollow them on social media and limit talking with the love of your life. Having them at arm’s length can help you recenter yourself as you work on yourself.

3. Process Your Feelings

It’s vital to acknowledge your obsessive thoughts before you get to work on them. You can process how you feel about them by journaling about your emotions. Treat your notebook as a way to vent your frustrations and observations. Looking back at these entries with an objective view can advance your journey.

4. Practice Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness is key to quieting your mind from thinking about your loved one. Take deep breaths and imagine an empty space, free from anyone and anything. Try to maintain that state of mind for the rest of the day. If you do find yourself persistently thinking about your partner or crush, talk yourself down from it.

5. Switch Routines

Having obsessive thoughts can inadvertently become a natural part of your day, so try to come up with new routines. Find a ritual that isn’t associated with the person you love. For instance, maybe you used to order a coffee frappuccino when visiting a shop together. Try out new drinks and places to overcome your thoughts.

6. Find Distractions

Find new hobbies or activities that can fill up your time. Having these distractions can take your thoughts off of the person you love. It can also offer up a great sense of self-fulfillment. For instance, reading books can be entertaining and keep your mind busy. You can also watch movies or pick up active sports like tennis or swimming. 

7. Create Goals Instead

Apart from distractions, find your life purpose during this time. Try to figure out what you love doing and what makes you smile. Having a personal goal to accomplish slowly can help fuel your drive to live beyond your love for someone. Treat working, volunteering, or any other aspiration as a love letter to yourself and life.

8. Seek Emotional Support

Seek emotional support from family and friends while working on your obsessive thoughts. You can also consider discussing the matter in therapy. In 2021, about 41.7 million American adults seek treatment or counseling for their mental health. Whether you think your issue is serious or not, discussing it with a professional can do you good. 

9. Give Yourself Time

Stopping obsessive thoughts doesn’t happen overnight. It’s crucial to give yourself a reasonable amount of time to overcome this line of thinking. Over time, you’ll be surprised by your control. If you struggle with the same predicament with the same loved one or another person in the future, take comfort in knowing that you can cope and change.

Move On From Your Obsessive Thoughts

Love is supposed to be good. Someone you admire should not take over your life, so it’s important to learn how to stop obsessive thoughts about a person. You can work on regulating these cognitions once they start getting unhealthy with the tips above.