It’s OK Not to Be OK: Ditching Toxic Positivity for Mental Wellness

You're likely well familiar with toxic positivity and didn't realize it. While anyone would much rather feel happy than sad, denying any negative emotions when they arise isn't a good approach to boosting your mental health. Here's everything you need to know about toxic positivity and how to overcome it in your daily life.  What Is Toxic Positivity? Have you ever been fresh out of a heartwrenching breakup only for someone to remind you there are other fish in the sea? Toxic positivity negates the existence of negative emotions in a happier, dismissive and minimizing manner.  It often ignores wide-ranging emotions people experience, leading them to bottle up feelings of frustration, sadness, fear and upset. After some time, their emotions could get the best of them and lead to poor mental health, discouragement, low self-esteem and a lack of communication.  In one study, participants who repeatedly wrote "I am a lovable person" every 15 seconds for four minutes felt worse about themselves afterward.  Experiencing negative emotions is valid. Humans aren't meant to live in the light all the time. In fact, challenges and overwhelm are healthy stepping stones to growth and resilience. Achieving real positivity requires working through your feelings first, whatever they may be. Places You've Likely Experienced Toxic Positivity  "Just relax, and it'll happen." "You can always adopt." "A friend of a friend did IVF and got pregnant immediately." Up to 64% of women with infertility experience stigma for their inability to have a child. Although most people have the best intentions, insensitive comments laced with toxic positivity can negatively affect their mental health. You may not realize it, but you likely encounter toxic positivity daily, such as in these familiar places: Loved ones: Phrases like "everything happens for a reason" or "chin up" are rarely helpful in bad situations. Workplace: A "good vibes only" work environment may temper some co-worker disagreements but prevent people from speaking up and seeking support and resources. Social media: People typically highlight only the happiest, most idealized moments when enduring negativity and hardships.  Self-help culture: Motivational speakers, books, videos and other resources offer insight to someone struggling, but it is essential to look for media acknowledging the full spectrum of emotions.  Of course, you might also inflict toxic positivity on yourself. For example, you might save face or sweep things under the rug with a smile. Feel Your Feelings: Why You Should Embrace All Emotions While nobody wants to feel at their lowest low, embracing all your emotions is best for the following reasons: Ignoring emotions doesn't make them disappear and may cause you even more problems later. Working through hardships and processing negative emotions is best for building resilience. When you embrace your emotions, others feel safe to do the same. Negative feelings may prompt authentic positivity, such as fighting for justice or cautioning you against danger. A combination of negative and positive emotions creates greater balance in your life.  It's perfectly OK to feel happy, sad, afraid or angry — sometimes simultaneously. It's also valid for you to react to difficult situations differently. Learning to digest, live with, and work through emotions and negativity makes you stronger amid new challenges and better able to communicate and foster community. 6 Ways to Ditch Toxic Positivity for Better Mental Health Fighting toxic positivity — especially self-inflicted — is one of life's biggest challenges. Yet, it's necessary to improve your mental well-being. Here are six ways to ditch toxic positivity, embrace your emotions for what they are and live with genuine joy.  1. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings Pretending one's feelings are nonexistent or not real is typical of toxic positivity. Therefore, the first step to combatting it is to recognize and validate your various emotions in the first place. Denying your feelings are there could lead to worsening distress. In reality, negative emotions and experiences are a normal part of life — they become easier to manage when you remind yourself they're meant to be there. 2. Practice Realistic Self-Talk If you are among the 20% of the population who classify as highly sensitive, you especially need to honor your emotions. Instead of practicing positive or negative self-talk, focus on realistic statements. For example, when you realize you're in the midst of negativity, self-criticism and upset — or think you should be happier like others — remind yourself that it is expected to feel the way you do.  3. Remember Progress Over Perfection There's a lot of pressure to be perfect, especially in the age of social media. However, maintaining unrealistic expectations for happiness can hinder your mental health. Concentrating on progress makes you more likely to celebrate minor achievements and milestones. This helps cultivate self-compassion and encourages you to keep moving forward.  4. Create a Self-Care Regimen Approximately 75% of American adults think self-care leads to less stress — a critical reason to adopt a regimen when combatting toxic positivity. For one thing, suppressing your emotions could drain or deplete your energy. Instead, self-care allows you to process your feelings healthily. Self-care also creates better balance in your life, helps you formulate boundaries and cultivates the ideal space to feel your emotions and focus on your needs.  5. Look for Messages in Emotions Emotions don't simply appear from thin air — you must feel a certain way for them to surface. If you're overwhelmed with emotions, consider their purpose. They may hold meaningful messages for you to give situations the proper attention.  6. Seek Support Not everyone wants to see a mental health specialist to discuss their problems, but one may provide practical tools for working through toxic positivity. A therapist can teach you how to respond to people who don't honor your feelings as you need them to. They can also teach you coping strategies to make big feelings less scary and overwhelming to move through. Toxic Positivity Creates Negativity and Stress On the surface, pushing away negative feelings to feel happier makes sense but doesn't work. You have to move through difficult situations to make it out on top. Embrace whatever emotions come up to achieve genuine positivity. 

Everybody grew up surrounded by role models. You also did — whether you realize it or not. As a child, you chose to imitate the individuals you find appealing based on your needs, preferences and aspirations. Having an idol is one thing, but being a role model is another. Do you set a worthy example to others? What Makes a Positive Role Model? A positive role model inspires others to live meaningful, productive lives. If you want to be one, you should have commendable values and behave in a way that drives your admirers to be forces for good. What Is a Negative Role Model? A negative role model is someone with lousy morals whose belief system breeds corruption, malice and gloom. This person is a bad apple that spoils the whole bunch. What Are the Three Types of Role Models? The three types of workplace role models are positive, reverse and anti-role models. Positive ones are successful individuals whose values match those of their observers. Reverse role models are like their positive counterparts, except others find their principles unacceptable. Anti-role models are underachievers who can teach others valuable lessons about what not to do to attain success. You may become any of the above in the eyes of your peers. They decide what category you fall into, but you can strive to be a positive role model. 10 Tips for Being a Role Model Worth Emulating Being a positive role model to children, your co-workers or anyone for that matter is challenging but achievable if you know how to act like one. Follow these pieces of advice to be a worthy example to anyone you wish to inspire. 1. Reflect on Yourself High self-awareness is a hallmark of an excellent role model. You should be able to evaluate your thoughts and behaviors objectively, honestly identify your biases, strengths and weaknesses, and realize how you affect others. Being highly self-aware is the key to self-mastery. You can only think critically about yourself, manage your emotions, and self-regulate if you know what makes you tick. The more authentic you are, the more positively influential you will be. 2. Focus on Solutions Positivity is a core tenet of “positive role modelship.” Mind you — striving to be positive differs from being constantly optimistic about everything. Exuding positive energy means devoting your resources to solving problems instead of dwelling on them. Finding solutions to help others and make the world a better place requires a healthy mix of being idealistic and pragmatic. Remember how things should be in a perfect world, but be a practical thinker when addressing issues. You don’t need to have all the answers to be a laudable role model. Just hone a solution mindset to improve the circumstances and not point fingers and spread only negativity like a Debbie Downer. 3. Have Ambitions Inspiring role models are goal-oriented, set attainable objectives, and develop the proper habits — like crafting a concrete plan and holding yourself accountable — to achieve them. Being ambitious is different from never being content with life. Instead, having ambitions is wanting things to be better. It’s about accomplishing something you’re passionate about and putting forth effort to get there. That’s why ambitious people usually exhibit a strong work ethic, unwavering dedication and perseverance. 4. Make Healthy Choices Watch your diet and exercise. Leading a health-conscious lifestyle can encourage others to care for their bodies and pursue fitness. You don’t have to live in the gym and be shredded to become a picture of health. Take small steps — such as snacking on nuts and seeds and doing hot power yoga — to stay energized without consuming too many calories and build lean muscles. 5. Be Professional Hold yourself to a higher standard to meet expectations and then some. Dress appropriately, take personal grooming seriously, and show up to appointments on time. Moreover, walk the talk. Prove that your word is your bond to gain trust and establish a solid reputation for being reliable. People gravitate toward individuals they can count on, so deliver when you make a promise — even if there aren’t any severe consequences when you don’t. 6. Demonstrate Politeness To be polite is to be considerate. It involves having good manners, observing social conventions, and expressing courtesy when dealing with others. Politeness does more than make other people feel comfortable. It also can promote harmony. Situationally and dispositionally polite role models can be charismatic because they inspire cooperation, foster understanding, and mitigate conflict. Ironically, some people get uptight when trying to be polite on specific occasions. If you feel this way, it may be due to rumination. You may be repetitively thinking about your past negative feelings and experiences, affecting your behavior. Mindfully distance yourself from your undesirable thoughts and free your mind with healthy distractions — like walking or cooking — to break your rumination cycle. Only then can you behave appropriately in social settings without anxiety. 7. Embody Humility Being a role model worthy of admiration means setting your ego aside, admitting when you don’t know something, and seeking help from others. Being open to reverse mentoring is a terrific way to boost the confidence of those junior to you and show you value their skills and opinions. 8. Practice Empathy Compassion is an essential trait to teach others. The world will have fewer disagreements when more people can connect emotionally with each other. Some are naturally compassionate, while it’s an acquired characteristic for others. To cultivate empathy and behave empathetically, you should actively listen, stay silent, and note non-verbal cues to ask the right questions when speaking with others. Allowing others to finish even when uncomfortable is another remarkable habit of empathetic role models. 9. Show Respect Respectfulness is the opposite of bigotry. As a positive role model, you should acknowledge different people's inherent worth and rights even when you don’t understand them. Being respectful is particularly important in this day and age when individuality is more celebrated than ever. 10. Commit to Your Values Living with integrity means never compromising what you believe in, regardless of the situation. Do what’s right for the right reasons — even when it’s inconvenient or unpopular. It’s how you can illustrate your moral values and authenticity to compel others to act based on their beliefs. Be the Person You Want to Idolize Being a role model worth emulating is a high-pressure endeavor when your faults make you feel underserving of admiration. Everyone’s fallible, so your flaws make you human and not anything less than others. If you feel unqualified to be anyone’s idol, work on yourself to measure up to higher standards because someone’s looking up to you.

The simplest gesture can have profound effects on another. When a friend is going through difficult times, lending them an ear without giving unsolicited advice can make them feel seen and heard in deep and meaningful ways. It’s a straightforward act of compassion and understanding, capable of lifting the weight of their troubles. But what does compassion mean? Notice the part where you don’t deliver your wisdom — instead, you gift them your presence in a safe and quiet space. Compassion goes beyond words of encouragement — it’s motivation to act on another’s behalf. Here’s an exploration of the meaning of compassion, its transformative effects on the world and ways to cultivate it in your life.  What Does Compassion Mean? Exploring the Layers A compassionate person is sensitive to other people’s suffering. However, they don’t just show them sympathy — they do what they can to make a difference in their lives. Compassion has several layers, though. Here’s what it really looks like.  Empathy Although only 1%-2% of the population are true empaths, anyone can empathize with others. Empathy is the ability to walk a mile in someone’s shoes — to feel what they’re feeling by imagining yourself as them. Highly developed empaths can even feel sensations by watching a person touch another.  Most people struggle to attune to someone else’s suffering. Yet, this trait comes naturally for most empaths. Empathy motivates you to act, but empathy fatigue may hinder those efforts, even causing you distress.  Shared Suffering Essentially, empathy gives rise to shared suffering. You may not go through exactly what the other person is going through, but you can resonate with the feelings emotionally. Shared suffering isn’t always easy to cope with, but it deepens connections and cultivates a greater sense of humanity.  For instance, becoming a mother may make you feel isolated even when surrounded by loved ones. Joining a “mom group” allows you to talk about the struggles of being a new mom and bond with other moms going through similar hardships. While you may not all endure the exact same experiences, you can find solace in the shared feeling of overwhelm.  Connection On the surface, compassion creates a kinder world. It helps you identify shared humanity — what connects everyone — and strengthen community and individual bonds. When you grasp interconnectedness, you are more inclined to offer comfort and assistance to people in need.  Likewise, compassionate interconnectedness showcases your vulnerability to suffering, breaking barriers and underscoring the idea of “finding a way out” together.  Inspired Action Sympathy offers a much more passive response to someone’s suffering. You may feel sorry or worried about them, but it ends there. Conversely, compassion inspires you to act to end whatever they are going through.  However, you’re not just interested in helping them — you follow through. Acts of kindness can be as significant as hosting a fundraiser for a neighbor struggling with their bills or offering your seat on the bus to someone pregnant.  The Transformative Effect of Compassion During significant events — such as natural disasters or public health crises — the population tends to show more compassion toward each other. For instance, studies show people grew more compassionate during COVID-19 amid the shared suffering and distress worldwide. Neighbors delivered groceries to their older adults’ doorsteps, while others offered free child care to essential workers. Even the simple act of wearing a mask to prevent the spread of COVID-19 was an act of kindness.  Compassion is transformative. Moving through your discomforts and confronting biases makes all the difference. Large-scale movements like Time’s Up, Me Too and Black Lives Matter (BLM) were born from compassion and empathy. Following the death of George Floyd in May 2020, calls for racial justice grew to fight police brutality against people of color. Even Tarana Burke — creator of the Me Too movement — says its mission is “empowerment through empathy” to bring women together through their shared experiences with sexual violence.  Compassion breaks down walls and bridges divide, allowing wounds to heal and new policies to take form that improve our quality of life. For instance, you can resolve inequality, discrimination, poverty, conflicts and environmental issues through collective compassion and a desire for change. Understanding and subsequent action transform the world into a more harmonious place. How to Be More Compassionate Compassion may be easier to manifest than empathy — and better for your mental health. Consider it this way: You pass someone stuck in a ditch — if you’re empathetic, you’ll jump in with them, ultimately getting yourself stuck. If you’re compassionate, you’ll imagine yourself in their shoes and search for a rope to pull them out instead.  It’s no wonder you would want to become more compassionate — it feels good to show up for others. Follow these tips to foster kindness, understanding and action:  Practice showing yourself understanding and grace during personal struggles — a learning experience for showing others compassion. Meditate to develop an awareness of thought and emotions so you learn to view your surroundings and people differently. Journal to gain a more profound understanding of self-compassion and your perspectives of others. Recognize shared suffering by finding relatable circumstances and emotions among the entire population. Practice active listening, including asking open-ended questions. Step outside of your comfort zone and challenge your biases. Volunteer and advocate for what’s right to make a difference in the world, including environmental causes. Become involved in social movements like BLM, Me Too and HeForShe.  Practice forgiveness and mediation.  Reflect on other people’s suffering and consider ways to help beyond words of wisdom. The opportunities for developing compassion are endless and can trickle down into your personal and professional life. Perhaps most importantly, demonstrating compassion encourages others to be more compassionate, too.  Compassion Brings the World Together You don’t need to overthink compassion. Small gestures add up, making a significant difference in everyone’s lives. Showing the world more kindness and understanding alleviates suffering for you and others. Embrace a heartfelt connection with the world by learning to be a more compassionate person. 

Imagine yourself at the center of a vast empire. People across the globe use your products, know your brand name, and spend their money and attention on your business. To many people, this feels like a dream just out of reach, but unlocking this future is all about preparation and patience.  Contrary to popular belief, you can learn how to build an empire from nothing but your sharp wit and centered mind. As a self-employed individual, you find solace in the independence of hours and the direction of your brand. You know your worth and can set your rates accordingly.  But when building an empire of wealth and success, you need to wear many hats and traverse situations like taxes and healthcare. Learn to expect the unexpected and prepare your mind and body for your blossoming empire below. All you need is your greatest asset: you.  1. Devise Your Plan Empires are not built in a day. It takes careful planning and research to understand what your business stands for and what the competition looks like in the current marketplace. A business plan is a guiding document that covers how your business will make money and handle finances and marketing.  If your empire consists of offering your services and skills to others, craft a portfolio of successful work. Social media managers can compile posts that garnered thousands of likes, or copywriters can showcase their acclaimed articles.  For both businesses and freelancers, devote time to researching often forgotten factors of work life, such as self-employment health-insurance options, taxes, and legal forces like proprietorship.    2. Build Your Team All the best leaders are surrounded by a support system. When learning how to build an empire of wealth, create a common vision for the future. Your network of people will be better equipped to guide and support you.  Give outsourcing a try for unfamiliar topics. There is always merit in diving into something new, but self-employed people already juggle many tasks. Consider outsourcing help for finances, taxes, and bookkeeping.  Your network could also include other industry professionals or mentors. As the head of a growing empire, you are constantly working on bettering yourself and adapting. Perhaps there are friends, former colleagues and people in similar industries who can offer advice and encouragement. Life is not a lonely road—embrace collaboration.  3. Prioritize Self-Care Managing a vast empire can be overwhelming, so that’s why self-care is so critical to combatting burnout. Your health and happiness will always be more important than a deadline.  Take comfort in friends and family. Even if they do not understand the intricacies of the marketing situation, they can be there to hug it out or take your mind off the stress.  Some other rejuvenating practices include: Exercising for at least 30 minutes Taking a soothing nature walk Adding quiet and alone time into your schedule Making time for hobbies like baking, knitting or reading You are first and foremost in this empire, so treat yourself with care.  4. Create a Set Schedule One of the benefits of being self-employed is versatility. You could work anywhere at any time. However, this is not always possible or advisable.  For one, working late or extremely early hours makes contacting you difficult. Secondly, a concrete and consistent schedule promises a better work-life balance. You will know exactly when your workday ends so that you can recharge for the next day.  Build time into your schedule to rest and relax. You will be even more alert when you hop back into the fray.  5. Develop Process Improvements Growing a business means continually growing and improving. Process developments are ways to identify kinks in your flow and learn how to work more efficiently. To uncover more about customers’ reactions to your services, implement a customer feedback form or track dwell time on your site.  Learning how customers perceive your brand will help you improve the products and workflow of the empire. Challenge yourself to identify 5 areas of growth a week, as well as goals at the daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly levels.  To build an empire, you must always be reaching for the stars.   Build an Empire of Wealth You don’t necessarily need large sums of money or exclusive connections to create an empire. Learning how to build an empire from nothing is about finding connections with others and being prepared for the future. Explore these tips and begin your assent to legendary leadership. 

Whether you’re a brand new couple or you’ve been in the game for a while, the money talk might seem foreign. Just like we’ve been conditioned to find money conversations uncomfortable, they’re also wildly important. It’s astounding how long couples manage to go without addressing their finances, but no matter where you are in your journey, it’s never too late to get that conversation started. Addressing money with your partner is an ongoing process. You don’t have one “money conversation” and call it quits. Your finances need to be nourished and attended to just like your emotional health or your sex life. If you’re afraid to approach the subject, it’s important to remember that everyone has finances. Money is a part of living, and the sooner you clear the air, the more satisfied and secure you’ll both feel. Know What You Want Think about what parts of your financial health are most important to you. While some people are more focused on income, others are more concerned about spending habits. Are you curious about their credit score? What about their rent history? Having a direction for your conversation is key to feeling satisfied with your discussions. Remember that it’s essential to approach these subjects with care and respect. Offer Your Own Truth One of the best ways to open up a dialogue is to offer your own information first. If you want your partner to share their salary, start by sharing yours. If you’re curious about their student debt situation, lay your numbers on the table. This conversation can cultivate an environment of safety and respect for your partner while still encouraging them to be open and honest.  Don’t Tell Lies If you’ve got a few financial blemishes, it’s best to be honest from the jump. Lying, deception and keeping secrets have no place in a healthy relationship, even when it comes to finances. Especially if you’re making financial commitments together, it’s important to be honest so that your partner has a clear picture of the situation they’re entering. It can be difficult to be honest about financial struggles, but when you and your partner tackle them together it can feel better on everyone’s end, and perhaps offer positive solutions you weren’t expecting. Take Baby Steps Starting small is often the name of the game. If talking facts and figures is too much too quickly, it’s a good idea to talk more about philosophy to start. Who is more of a saver, and who is more of a spender? How were you raised differently when it comes to money? These ideas might soften the conversation and gear you both up for more serious figures down the road. Bring in an Expert Studying up on personal finance and learning together is a useful tool in growing your financial lives while you start the conversation. Showing them an article or video you’re interested in can get the ball rolling on the money talk, and can even show you what they think about certain financial subjects with a sense of neutrality. You’re both listening to the expert doing the talking, which creates a middle ground.  Set Goals Together Money talk doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. Setting a financial goal together can give you something to look forward to and bring you closer. Do you want to move in together, or get a larger space? Maybe you’ve been itching to go on vacation? Bringing in fun aspects of money talk can liven up the conversation and remind you that responsibility can lead to great things. This talk can also signal what their hopes and dreams are, so you can learn if you’re compatible on that level.  Can’t Buy Love One of the most important parts of the money conversation is remaining insightful about the motivations, frustrations and expectations of each partner in the relationship. If you’re experiencing money problems or disconnects, it’s worth it to ask yourselves what emotions are being brought up and what issues you think might be solved by “fixing” the financial piece of your relationship. Couples fight about money a lot, often causing large rifts or even divorces. However, money fights can often mask underlying issues. While finances might be the problem at hand, something else could be the root cause, or it could be a part of a larger picture. Even just staying mindful can help prevent the use of money conflict as a band-aid for deeper things. Relationship finances can be a tough conversation to start, but once you get the ball rolling, it gets easier with time. The more you practice, the better you’ll move through your finances together. Updated on April 1, 2024