The Orgasm Gap: What Is It and How Do We Close It?

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Two people in a relationship seem afraid to leave the bed and can only look at one another with their white duvet pulled up to their noses. Can codependency be healthy?
Author Name: Mia Barnes
Date: Tuesday July 31, 2018

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We’ve made great strides to decrease the wage gap because almost everyone agrees women deserve to make just as much as men. Slowly but surely, misogyny in our society is spiraling deeper down the ugly void that it already exists in. We can only hope that one day, we’re able to completely bury it. Speaking of voids, want to know what’s next on the list of gender issues to tackle as society strives towards greater equality? The orgasm gap, of course.

You don’t have to be the most culturally-savvy person to know that men typically have an easier time enjoying sex than their female counterparts. Just the fact that women report experiencing fewer orgasms is proof of this sexual imbalance.

Yet sex is an integral part of any relationship — so don’t women have the right to enjoy their time in the bedroom just as much as men? The orgasm gap may exist, but that doesn’t mean we have to let it stick around for good.

You can’t keep a good woman down — so go down on her already! Or whatever works for both of you as a couple, really. Point being, when you take the initiatives necessary to get in touch with your passions and desires, you’ll find that sex can feel great for you, too — just as it should.

Is the Orgasm Gap Real?

You may be reading this article and thinking to yourself, “Is there really a thing called an orgasm gap?” Yup. Catchy, huh? Except it’s something we want to get rid of, not catch.

Whether you don’t have any issues in the bedroom or think orgasm troubles are a rare issue, you may not believe that such a thing exists. However, in research studies examining the orgasm rate of men and women, 91% of men claimed to frequently experience an orgasm during sex. And as for women, only a mere 39% could boast the same. Are you in that 61% of women rolling their eyes during a roll in the hay?

When it comes to successful orgasms, men and women seem to be in two different ballparks altogether. The orgasm gap doesn’t have to be set in stone, though, and there are many ways you can change your sexual fate. Ready to get started and then actually finish? Here’s a look at four simple ways you can increase your chances of achieving that much-desired “big O.”

The Emotional Aspect

We’ve all seen those romantic comedies where men and women hook up with no strings attached. Fine — it works for a few. But while that may work for some people, many women need to feel emotionally connected to the person they’re with to unleash their passion.

Psychological studies show that the emotional closeness we experience with a person may determine how at ease we are with them in bed. After all, having sex with someone who feels like a stranger may leave you anxious, uncomfortable and with feelings of detachment.

Rekindle the fire in your relationship to help you feel more comfortable with being in close physical contact with your partner. If you have an emotional barrier in communication with your partner, it’s likely to translate over into the bedroom, too. Knowing each other’s love languages may make you desire to open up more — maybe in more ways than one…

Learning to Be Vocal

If the thought of telling your significant other to go down on you turns your face as red a tomato, you may have found the answer to your orgasm-related problems.

If you’re not comfortable discussing your sexual desires and all of the things that turn you on, it’s reasonable to expect a bit of dissatisfaction in the bedroom. If you can’t tell your partner what you like, how can you expect them to fulfill these requests blindly?

Not sure how to ask for what you want in bed? Begin by making simple requests within your comfort zone. When your partner does something that turns you on, ask them to continue to do similar acts in the future. Gradually, you’ll work up the confidence necessary to express your arousal without giving it so much as a second thought. It doesn’t have to be in bed, either — surprise each other elsewhere too by being more honest with each other about what makes your soul sing.

Reenact Your Inner Fantasies

Fantasies — we all have them. But few of us are brave enough to say them out loud. Are you?

Health professionals state that writing down your fantasies and exploring options that could potentially turn you on are effective ways to increase your libido and possibly achieve an orgasm, too. Yup, you’re being told to write “smut!”

If you find police officers extraordinary sexy, what’s the harm in trying some cops and robbers in bed? Everyone has sex-related dreams, and it’s just a matter of letting your partner in on your objects of desire. When you attempt to bring your fantasies to life, you may finally find yourself ending sex with a feeling of relief and success.

Continue to Experiment (But Never Give Up)

We know that when we give something our all and don’t achieve the desired results, it can be very disappointing. Just remember not to throw in the towel (you’ll need it for afterward, anyway). While your inability to orgasm may be frustrating, you deserve to enjoy sex. Sex isn’t all about orgasming every time, but if an imbalance is bothering you, you should feel comfortable enough with your partner to discuss new things to try. If they don’t care to listen, please LEAVE.

Continue experimenting until you find what works best for you. When you go outside of your comfort zone, you may see that achieving orgasm in the unknown is easier than finding arousal in the ordinary.

Most people find intimacy plays a crucial role in their sense of happiness, so why shouldn’t you prioritize yours? Once you discover your point of ecstasy, you’ll be so glad you did. We’re starting a new kind of conversation in our society that empowers women to speak up more. Be bold, brave and sure of who you are and what you want — let’s get rid of the orgasm gap for good!

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