How to Get Love Back in a Marriage

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Author Name: Beth Rush
Date: Monday August 31, 2020

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When you married your spouse, you looked forward to spending the rest of your lives together. There were plenty of adventures to have and memories to make, but time threw unexpected curveballs at your relationship. Now it’s falling apart and you’re not sure what to do.

Many marriages struggle as the years pass. You might encounter hardships like job losses, miscarriages or infidelity. It isn’t always easy to get back to the love you once shared with your spouse, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. If you both want the same things, you can work together to repair your relationship.

Read on to learn how to get love back in a marriage when you feel distant from your spouse. Every day presents a new opportunity to fall in love again if you both take simple steps forward and allow trust back into your lives.

1. Start Your Day With Kindness

You and your spouse don’t have to be morning people to start your day with kindness. Make an effort to say good morning and remind your spouse that you love them. Kiss them goodbye before you head your separate ways for the day.

If you feel uncomfortable expressing verbal or physical affection, you can also do acts of kindness. Brew their coffee or pack their lunch for them. Iron their work clothes while they shower or take the dog out for them. Thoughtfulness can go much further to heal old wounds than any spoken word.

2. Keep Up the Communication

Sometimes people fall out of love because they don’t feel listened to. When you feel ignored, it’s easy to equate that with your partner not valuing you. Improved communication can solve both of these issues, as long as you try to listen as much as you talk.

Ask your partner how their day was when they arrive home in the evening. Give them your full attention and use improved listening skills to communicate empathy and love. When you don’t interrupt or multitask while they talk, they’ll feel a sense of appreciation that might be missing.

3. Reframe Your Arguments

Even after you make changes in your life to get love back in your marriage, arguments can still happen. When they do, learn what language to use so you avoid explosive temperaments and hurtful words. Avoid accusatory words, foul language and negative body language. Refrain from bringing up the past so you focus on the issue at hand.

When you enter an argument with a calm mind and open heart, it’s easier to talk through your problems and find solutions. Your partner will immediately see that you’re willing to listen, explain and learn, which is an undeniable act of love.

4. Let Go of Grudges

Grudges only hurt your spouse. Even if you feel that your grudge is justified, you have to choose to heal and move on together daily. Never bring up resentment in arguments and try not to think about them in your free time. Instead, focus on what’s improved about your relationship to foster more positivity and love in your marriage.

5. Find New Hobbies

Some couples fall out of love because their interests grow apart. Starting a new shared hobby can fix this by giving you something to talk about and bond over. Talk with your spouse about if they want to try a new skill like gardening, bowling, hiking or even baking. 

Even if you both learn something new that doesn’t capture your interests at first, it’s still an experience that can reintroduce love to your marriage.

6. Set Goals Together

What do you want in your personal, professional or spiritual life? Your goals may have distracted you from the love in your marriage. Invite your spouse to join you in your journey by setting goals together. As you work towards these goals, you’ll form a team spirit that might have disappeared long ago. Relying on and trusting each other are good first steps to falling in love again. 

7. Address Financial Problems

Finances are one of the biggest reasons marriages fall apart. Struggling with debt or excessive spending can destroy any relationship, but it doesn’t mean you can’t turn things around. Address the financial problems in your marriage with your spouse and agree to stick with a plan to solve them.

This might mean stopping your online shopping or limiting how often your spouse meets their friends out for a drink. If you agree on these terms together, you’ll avoid feeling like one person is restricting the other. It’ll create a fair financial start and keep your spending on track between paychecks.

Always Prioritize Honesty

As you work to get love back in your marriage, use these tips to figure out where to start. Over the coming weeks and months, prioritize honesty to keep making progress. Talk with your partner about your hopes, fears and feelings so love can grow as you two learn about each other all over again.

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