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Great friendships make life more fulfilling. You should always have a best friend who listens to you, values you and loves you without expectations. Unfortunately, it’s easy to fall into toxic dynamics with people as you open your heart to new friendships. Learn about the five signs of a bad friendship to better care for your well-being and fill your life with people who make each day better.
It’s hard to see the five signs of a bad friendship while you’re caught up in it. Take a moment to step back from the dynamic and see if any of these red flags appear in your relationship.
Everyone deserves to have boundaries. They tell people how to treat you with respect and support you. Think of the friendship you’re questioning. If you asked that friend not to talk about a topic you find offensive, would they agree? If you think their reaction would most likely be laughing at you, dismissing your request or only respecting that boundary for a short time — like a day — you’re likely in a bad friendship.
Disrespecting boundaries is one of the most common unhealthy friendship signs. It means your friend doesn’t respect you as an individual. They might see you only as someone who exists to support them. If nothing changes, your self-esteem could deteriorate. Never having boundaries erases a person’s sense of self and their inherent worth.
When was the last time your friend asked you about your life? Were you able to talk in-depth about something that’s concerning you? A quick 10-second recap of your life doesn’t feel like much if your conversations revolve around your friend all the time.
Someone who genuinely values you will care about what’s happening in your life. Otherwise, you’re only there to listen to them. It can cause emotional distress as you feel isolated and exhausted. If you’re always tired, feel disconnected from people and feel guilty for talking about yourself, you’re experiencing one of the five signs of a bad friendship.
Friends can playfully poke fun at each other if they feel equally respected. When you’re in an unhealthy friendship, your friend might criticize everything about you without thinking twice. Think about how often your potentially toxic friend makes negative comments about:
Living with constant criticism can cause you to question your ability to make sound decisions without your friend’s approval. It could also make you feel isolated. You might not feel like you can talk about anything with them, which is the opposite of a healthy friendship.
Empathy is the ability to feel another person’s emotions while they recount their feelings or experiences. It connects people on a deeper level, but it isn’t a guarantee in every relationship.
Some people have less empathetic abilities due to their childhood experiences or past trauma. A toxic friend might dismiss your feelings whenever you’re not in a pleasant mood. They could forget about your most pressing problems, downplay whatever’s happening in your life or focus the conversation on themselves when you need a listening ear.
It’s one of the unhealthy friendship signs that’s easy to dismiss. You might think your friend is just in a bad mood or too stressed to listen. When it lasts a long time, it’s a red flag that your relationship isn’t a two-way street.
People can manipulate others both consciously and unconsciously. A toxic friend will use manipulations to retain power or control in a relationship. See if any of these examples feel familiar to the friendship you have in mind:
Manipulation strategies wear people down over time. You might fear conflict with your friend if you call them out or gently push back. A toxic person will start explosive arguments or give you the silent treatment rather than hear your concerns, apologize and change their behavior to treat you with more respect.
Once you know the five signs of a bad friendship, you can determine the best way to move forward. Whether you keep that person in your life or not, the outcome should be continual daily peace for you in the relationship.
When you’re in a toxic dynamic, the first thing you need to do is communicate your needs and boundaries. Some people may present unhealthy friendship signs without realizing it. If you state what’s hurting you and ask for a specific, healthier solution, someone who values you will actively make those changes.
Distancing yourself from a toxic person is a crucial part of gaining a better perspective. People who take this step reduce the frequency of their contact with their friend so they can focus on their own needs.
There are multiple ways for this step to play out. Your friend might recognize your distance and contact you to ask how they make the friendship work. They’ll realize they miss you and don’t want you out of their lives.
Your friend might also get mad. If you’re their only form of emotional support, they’ll feel attacked by your distance. If they don’t listen to your side of things and actively change what they contribute to the friendship, you might not need to go back to them.
You could also step back from the friendship and feel like you can breathe again. Feeling free by leaving someone behind means they weren’t a good connection to have at all. You can meet with a licensed therapist to determine your next steps if you’re unsure how to structure your life without your toxic friend.
If you realize you’re better off without your bad friendship, there are numerous ways to end it. You could tell your friend in person that you’ve outgrown each other and you’re ready to part ways. You might end it over text if there’s physical distance.
It’s also possible to let the friendship fade over time. If you communicate less and your toxic friend doesn’t notice, let the distance do the work for you.
There’s also the option to block them. You might have to block their number if your friend harasses you to pull you back into their life. You may also only feel a sense of peace if you block them on social media.
The best move will be whatever restores your sense of peace. A licensed therapist can help you figure out your next steps if you’re not used to prioritizing your needs over your friend’s.
Learning about the five signs of a bad friendship makes it easier to protect your peace. Support your well-being by surrounding yourself with people who would never give you the same red flags. You’ll feel happier, more confident and able to enjoy each day without a toxic friend in your life.
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