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Micro-cheating isn’t sneaking in that small piece of chocolate while dieting. 

Micro-cheating is when you do a small thing, which, at face value, might seem innocent, but undermines the relationship with your significant other. Essentially, although these actions aren’t cheating in the true sense of the word, the behaviors amount to the same, as they can destroy tight-knit bonds and erode a couple’s trust. When you see the micro-cheating examples, ask yourself whether you’d be happy if your partner were doing them. 

Examples of Micro-Cheating

Many examples of micro-cheating exist, with some more obviously deceitful than others. The bottom line is that each carries a tinge of infidelity, and if you have a conscience, you’ll know that you’re hiding the truth from your partner by practising them. 

1. Keeping Secrets

Whenever you keep a secret from your partner, there’s some micro cheating going on, unless it’s planning a surprise party for them or something similar, where your motives are totally above board. Whether it concerns another person or not, anything else means you’re not being honest and hiding the truth. In committed relationships, complete honesty forges a bond of trust. If you’re in a long-standing, trusting partnership, the first time you choose to leave something out and your partner discovers it, the effect could be devastating on your loved one. 

2. Relationship Ambiguity

All relationships have boundaries, whether verbally set or assumed through your habitual norms as a couple. You may spend every break at work with somebody you like or secretly follow somebody appealing on social media. When you do so, your little voice likely tells you you’re infringing on your relationship boundaries. If you purposefully avoid using somebody’s name in conversations with your partner, you’re micro-cheating. 

3. Changing Your Attachment Style

Your attachment style is how you behave in a romantic relationship, and generally stems from the emotional bonds and connections you had with your caregiver in your formative years. If you had a loving mother and grew up being nurtured, cared for and encouraged to express yourself, you’ll likely develop a healthy, secure attachment style with a committed partner. Alternatively, you could have an anxious attachment style where you crave intimacy, or an insecure attachment style where you constantly mistrust your partner.

While these attachment styles are deep-seated, they apply to romantic relationships. In other words, if your romantic interest drifts elsewhere, whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, it could change your attachment style toward your existing partner. You could go from nurturing and loving to displaying an avoidant-dimissive style with your partner. If you realize a change, or your partner points it out, understand that another person is turning your head. You’re micro-cheating dangerously and should remedy the situation quickly.

4. Vocally Cheating

Are you a natural flirt? Understand that when you’re crossing the line with intimate or suggestive comments or being over-complimentary to a platonic friend, no matter how innocent it may seem, you’re micro-cheating. Ask yourself if you would do or say the same things if your partner were present. Although you’re inherently innocent, every word or action could prompt an unanticipated response that could cause a situation you might regret later. Putting those words out there could also subconsciously distance you from your partner.

5. Relational Disrespect

Micro-cheating occurs whenever you bring a third party into your relationship’s inner sanctum without your partner’s knowledge. Whether you’re sharing private jokes, mentioning bedroom secrets or speaking to somebody your mate has asked you not to, you’re disrespecting your partner and the value of your relationship. You know that doing so will hurt your partner if they knew. Micro-cheating.

6. Looking to Impress

Purposefully looking to impress others by attracting attention is micro-cheating. There might be someone you find attractive at the office — using your best cologne or applying seductive makeup in the morning with them in mind means your relationship isn’t your priority. You’re consciously wanting to impress that person, potentially at the expense of your romantic partner. Your efforts will get noticed, but maybe not by the person you imagine in your thoughts. 

7. Sex Talk With Others

Sharing your sexual fantasies and details of your sex life with somebody other than your intimate partner is a prime case of micro-cheating. Question your motives if you’re doing so with an acquaintance and not a psychologist. There’s obviously an attraction to that person, or you would never talk about sex — are you ready to risk your current relationship through poor bedroom etiquette?

8. Keeping Contact With an Ex

Staying in contact with an ex, whether your significant other knows or not, is a dangerous game. If your partner knows, remember that they also know that what you do with them behind closed doors is something they have in common with your ex. If you maintain communications, you’re also more likely to desire your ex, and vice versa. Your partner will think about these things, eroding their trust. 

You’re micro-cheating if you’re in contact with your ex without your romantic partner’s knowledge. Why would you do it otherwise? It’s too easy to go where you’ve been before if your ex is happy to do so. For the longevity and success of your current relationship, you should make a clean break and focus your intimate desires where they belong, on your loving and existing other.

9. Social Infidelity

Consider your social media and text activity and ask yourself whether your actions are all above board. Are your motives healthy if you visit profiles of attractive connections and friends, like and comment on their photos, and get closer to them than you would with a general acquaintance? Regularly texting with somebody without your partner’s knowledge or lying to them about the status of an online friendship means you’re micro-cheating.

Reconsider following that ex-partner on social media. Remove your profile from that dating site you were on. Change your Facebook status to reflect your relationship. Stop texting with that person you feel attracted to. Doing these things will enforce your partner’s love and trust, and remove any impulses you have to micro-cheat.

Signs of Micro-Cheating

Maybe you’re not micro-cheating. Good for you! If you’re open and transparent in your romantic relationship, you likely truly love and value your significant other and are doing everything to solidify an incredible partnership going forward. Consider your partner’s actions without jumping to conclusions to ensure you’re both on the same page. If you notice any of the following, discuss them with your partner and set boundaries that you can both maintain to grow your relationship.

• Hiding their phone or changing access passwords frequently.
• Becoming defensive when you ask questions.
• Changing their mood or distancing themselves from you.
• Lying to you.
• Maintaining a “single” status on social media and liking flirtatious photos and comments of people you don’t know.
• Going on social outings with people you haven’t met.

Micro-Cheating is More Serious Than It Appears

While many micro-cheating actions may appear harmless, the more often they happen, the more they can erode otherwise strong relationships and result in arguments and, in some cases, breakups. Micro-cheating is not innocent — it may sometimes start that way, but it too often forms a foundation for more extreme forms of infidelity. What begins in the mind opens a door for a potential physical action to step through.