Recognizing the Power of Silence in an Argument With Your Partner

Fighting with your partner is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it shows how honest and emotional you can be with them, which is always present even in a healthy relationship. However, it can also incite negativity and pain from both sides. As things get tense, it’s important to recognize the power of silence in an argument. Stay quiet and reset. Why Is Silence Good in an Argument Arguments entail so much verbal talk between two parties, making silence a breath of fresh air. It allows you to control the pace of the conversation and gives you a headspace to think.  1. To Avoid Escalating the Fight Everyone reacts differently to an argument. Unfortunately, some people’s main instinct is to be counter-aggressive. Whether it’s to hurt back their partner or be defensive, they pour out their anger in the open.  Everyone has a right to be angry, but this reaction is not the solution. If anything, counter-aggression can escalate the problem and hurt your loved one. Silence is a way to keep yourself quiet amidst those strong feelings.  2. To Process Emotions Speaking of strong feelings, you might want to process them a little bit in the midst of the silence. Are you feeling angry or sad? What’s the specific reason why you’re feeling that way? Do you have any needs your partner isn’t fulfilling? When you’re fighting with your partner, you might need to hold a conversation with yourself first. Focus on assessing your personal feelings to get to the root of the problem. You can implore your partner to do the same thing. 3. To Provide Respect for Other Parties Heated fights are difficult to handle because both parties want to get their words in. However, talking over one another is quite toxic. Use the power of silence in an argument to let each other keep their word. In a healthy relationship, both parties will know they must take turns being silent and talking. Granted, this dynamic can shift depending on the problem and whether one person has more to say or not. Just prioritize being respectful of one another.  4. To Realize Your Stance An argument is full of noise, which can sometimes distract a couple from its objective. Silence is a chance to evaluate and realize what you want to gain outside of the fight. Ask yourselves what started it in the first place. For example, maybe you were feeling neglected. Do you simply want your feelings validated? Do you think your partner should change their ways? Or are you contemplating breaking up? Silence can give you the headspace to think about whether it’s you and your partner versus the problem or simply you against them. How to Use the Power of Silence in an Argument Being silent is a strong tool in an argument with your significant other. However, it’s important to wield it with thoughtfulness and care for an effective outcome. 1. Talk About Pausing There’s a difference between silent treatment and the power of silence in an argument. The former is a complete refusal to communicate, which may be viewed as emotional abuse as it causes plenty of anxiety. The latter acts as a breathing room in between conversations. If an argument is too heated, talk with your partner about putting a pin in it first. Say things are getting out of hand and you want to calm down first. Set a date to revisit the ordeal— hopefully, when both parties aren’t as stressed.  2. Find the Right Words First During the silent period, figure out the right words first. Conveying what you actually mean can make or break an argument. It’s also a chance to evaluate whether you’re being too negative toward them and vice versa, allowing you to opt for more neutral or positive words.  Aside from finding the right words, contemplate the approach as well. It’s ideal to be assertive, but you don’t want to lean into arrogance. Be sensitive as well, as you’re talking to your significant other. How you say your peace can impact the flow of the conversation.  3. Allow Them to Talk Use the power of silence in an argument to prompt them to speak. Keeping quiet is a great way to let your partner know they should also talk and be vulnerable. It is especially helpful for those who tend to bottle up their feelings. Remember to be wary of an outburst though, so prepare some tissues. 4. Learn to Listen to Each Other Another way to use silence is as breathing room to listen to each other. Rather than thinking of what you’re going to say next, keep quiet and digest what your loved one is actually saying. Processing what they’re saying is key to understanding their point of view and getting through your problem together.  5. Be Quiet with One Another Words of affirmation are powerful love language, but they may not be what you actually need. Consider exploring other expressions while being verbally quiet. For example, about 38% of Americans prefer quality time, so you can focus on sitting together. Do your hobbies while in the company of one another.  Meanwhile, about 24% are attuned to physical touch. Focusing on just holding hands or hugging in silence can be an excellent fix for couples whose source of frustration is touch starvation. It’s also just a nice source of comfort. 6. Reassess How Things Were Handled Once an argument has been resolved, you can use the power of silence to reflect on how things were handled. Is there something you wish you two had done differently? Would you have wanted to hit pause a little sooner rather than later?  Coordinate how to use the quiet to your advantage for future fights. You can also point out times when the silence felt uncomfortable. That way, you can focus on making it a tool rather than a weapon in the future.  Hush in the Heat of the Moment The power of silence in an argument deserves much more recognition. It can allow couples to pause and reflect on their predicament before moving forward. Consider communicating with your partner to be quiet and reflect your feelings together.

The meaning of love bombing can initially seem mysterious. At first glance, it almost seems to be about providing a person with as much love as possible. This definition is not exactly far from what the actual action entails, but it only touches the tip of the iceberg. The Meaning of Love Bombing Love bombing means showcasing an excessive amount of affection to manipulate a person to get into a relationship. Picture your partner insistently professing their love to you, praising you, giving unnecessary gifts and providing an unhealthy amount of attention. Being the recipient of a love bombing can sound like such a perk at first. However, being put on a pedestal shouldn’t be a green flag. It can feel like objectification. Not recognizing their humanity and flaws can also diminish the quality of connecting with one another. There’s no good outcome to lovebombing. Imagine receiving advances and getting completely attached. After a while, they start to lower their efforts and pull away. This sudden shift results in a heartbreaking disconnect that makes you work twice as hard to keep up the relationship. If your partner doesn’t pull away, you must also exhaust enough emotional energy to match theirs. Affection is a great way to show love, but the added pressure is overwhelming. An alternative situation to love bombing would be to turn down their advances right from the get-go. Unfortunately, this denial can result in verbal threats and physical violence.  Where Does Love Bombing Occur? Love bombing happens in romantic relationships. However, familial and platonic relationships can adopt the same concept of love bombing. For instance, an absent father makes countless efforts to reconnect in a short period suddenly. An acquaintance who treats you to so many gifts and food for your approval can also follow the same pattern. That said, love bombing commonly occurs in romantic affairs. It usually appears during the talking stage when you’re just getting to know one another. These kinds of relationships are emotionally draining. People with less romantic experience are likelier to have controlling relationships like these. They don’t have previous courtships to compare it to, making it hard to spot such subtle toxicity. How to Spot Love Bombing A common question after figuring out the meaning of love bombing is how different it is from genuine love. After all, healthy relationships also involve plenty of affection, gift-giving and attention. Here are five key factors to assess to narrow down love bombing.  1. Timing The biggest tell behind love bombing is they’re giving the affection. Most actions happen in the blink of an eye to hook that person in at the start of a relationship. Some people rush into relationships to fix unhappiness when that’s not how it works. You need to get to know one another to see whether you’re a good romantic match. Love bombing can also happen in small spurts during a relationship. The person responsible shows affection after an argument to mend the relationship quickly. They typically won’t resolve the issue or address any aggression shown during the fight. 2. Intention Intention distinguishes love bombing from genuine love. When they give you affection or gifts, does it feel like they’re waiting for something in return? Seeking validation or attention can often be a sign of this toxic behavior. Someone who truly loves you will appreciate you thanking them or returning the favor. However, they will likely let you know they only wanted to show affection because they wanted to. There’s no pressure to do the same.  3. Respect Some people are uncomfortable when they get over-the-top displays of affection, whether in public or private. Someone who love bombs may disregard your boundaries, playing it off as their genuine way of showing you how much they adore you.  In a healthy relationship, the other person respects you and what you dislike. They will apologize for any past transgressions that have made you comfortable. They will focus on how to love and support you better instead of getting mad. 4. Isolation Alone time with your loved one is fruitful for your relationship. However, you still need time with other important people in your life, like family and friends. Alone time is also important to maintain a sense of individuality. Most partners do not stomp on that freedom. However, relationships with love bombing involve separating you and keeping you for themselves. Isolation cuts off your support system and gives you no breathing space. It also makes you more inclined to be dependent on them.   5. Intuition Sometimes, you just have to trust your gut. There are times when love bombing flies under the radar. However, if you ever have moments where you feel uncomfortable or question the relationship, don’t bury those feelings. Take them as a sign to reevaluate your relationship to see whether it’s genuine love.  Saving the Relationship from Love Bombing Most cases of love bombing are intentional. However, there is a chance the doer is unaware they’re being overly affectionate. Maybe they’re unsure of how much affection they should be showing you. Some may be unconsciously seeking validation and reassurance out of insecurity.  If you love them and want to continue the relationship, you can save it. You must practice assertive communication with your partner to discuss all your concerns. Lay out what you need from them and hear out their side, too. It can take some work, but you can grow from it together. Healing from Love Bombing Some people question whether a relationship is still abusive even if it didn’t involve anything physical. Love bombing actions fall under emotional abuse due to the coercive control in you and your former partner’s dynamic. It can cause plenty of anxiety in the short and long term, even if you break away from them.  It’s natural to doubt yourself and wonder if you’ll ever find love again. However, you can move on from the relationship and heal. Give yourself time alone to reflect on what happened. Know you were never at fault for anything. When you feel ready, you can find someone new who will treasure you.  Seek Genuine Love The meaning of love bombing is challenging to accept. Look at your relationship objectively to see if affection and romance are coming from a healthy place. If they aren’t, break away and get genuine love. You can do it, and you deserve it.

Getting married is a significant step for any relationship. It’s a long-term commitment to each other, but the definition of that partnership changes in each relationship. Check out the different types of marriages people enjoy to explore what your relationship could look like. It all depends on what you and your partner need based on personal preferences and beliefs. Why Are There Different Types of Marriages? There are numerous reasons for different types of marriages. Over two million people get married in the U.S. annually and more happen worldwide. They include people from all different cultural and religious backgrounds. Some people might hold to the traditions of their family or community. Sexual preferences and gender identities also change how people define their union. Local laws may influence who can get married, when or how. Everyone and every place is different, so one type of union isn’t going to work for the trillions of people around the world. Examples of Different Types of Marriages Your future or current union doesn’t have to look like one particular relationship structure. Check out the various types of marital arrangements people have. They can all lead to fulfilling, healthy relationships if they make both partners happy. 1. Civil Marriage When you picture two people getting married, you likely imagine them filling out some type of government paperwork to make their union legally official. This is called a civil marriage. The government recognizes two people who have joined a union and may extend special tax or legal privileges based on where the couple lives. 2. Religious Marriage A religious marriage occurs when two people share the same religious beliefs and incorporate them into their wedding ceremony. They may or may not host the ceremony in a religious building but often have their spiritual leader as their officiant. It personalizes the vows and weaves their religion into the foundation of their coupling, which is meaningfully symbolic for those with dedicated spiritual beliefs. 3. Common-Law Marriage The U.S. has a few states that recognize common-law marriages. Couples qualify for this when they have been living together or in a relationship for a number of years specified by their state government. They must also both be of legal age to qualify for legal union and be able to both consent. This arrangement is something people may desire while attending counseling to learn more about each other or saving for their ceremony. It’s also another way for people to get married without either of those experiences.  4. Monogamous Marriage If you picture your union lasting your entire life and never including anyone other than your partner, you favor monogamous wedlock. It’s an arrangement where both partners commit themselves emotionally and physically to each other for life. Many people view this as the standard for long-term partnerships, but other types of marriages make people equally happy. 5. Polyamorous Marriage Someone may be polyamorous when they desire multiple romantic relationships simultaneously. In this arrangement, everyone is aware they’re in a non-monogamous relationship with a minimum of two or more people. It may or may not include non-monogamous sexual activity as well, depending on the partners involved. The married couple might consider themselves primary partners because they know they want to be together long-term. Additionally, they’re both free to form relationships with other partners. Some people prefer the terms primary and secondary to demonstrate which relationships are more committed and which are more laid-back. However, some people don’t use these terms because they believe in polyamory without relationship hierarchy. 6. Ethically Non-Monogamous Marriage You may be an ethically non-monogamous (ENM) person if you daydream about having freedom in your union to flirt and enjoy sexual relations with people outside of your primary partner. Unlike polyamorous people, you don’t want to form relationships. An ENM relationship is an open marriage arrangement where both partners know they’re free to have interests outside of their relationship, but they keep their romantic connections only with each other. It’s best for people who don’t believe in having one partner for their entire lives or haven’t been able to be monogamous for various reasons in past relationships. The key is always ensuring that both partners are comfortable and aware of what the other is doing. If sexual activities become a secret, they may qualify as infidelity and cause the relationship to deteriorate. The partners involved in the union also need to know about the arrangement or if personal boundaries are changing to accommodate the marriage during rocky times. 7. Arranged Marriage Families or parents might arrange a union if they have religious or cultural reasons. It’s a way for parents to feel secure about their adult children's future happiness through the union’s guaranteed financial or social status. It may not happen often in the western parts of the world, but it’s a common form of marriage in South and East Asia. Notably, arranged matrimony isn’t the same as a forced marriage. Forced wedlock happens due to threats or coercion. Arranged couples get together after freely accepting the arrangement or proposal their parents or family recommend. 8. Convenience Marriage A marriage of convenience may or may not involve legal documentation. Sometimes, people agree to an emotional union because staying together benefits them socially or financially. They might stick together to continue splitting the rent or pursuing the same career, such as political ambitions. Those with legal arrangements might do so because they need a legal benefit. Someone might marry a person to gain citizenship faster, benefit from the joint tax filing system or join their health insurance plan. Although some individuals might see these relationships as taking advantage or tricking a system, the two people involved can have good intentions. One person might not be able to receive expensive medical care without their partner’s health insurance coverage. Another may have wanted to marry in the coming years, but their green card expiration date is soon. It all depends on the people involved and what’s happening in their lives. Make Your Relationship What You Want Marriages don’t have the same definitions. There are many types of marriages people create to live their happiest lives. Consider whether these partnerships would feel fulfilling to you and discuss it if you’re currently in a relationship. Everyone who wants to get married deserves a fulfilling union, which could involve personalizing the definition with these options or others.

Whether you’re a brand new couple or you’ve been in the game for a while, the money talk might seem foreign. Just like we’ve been conditioned to find money conversations uncomfortable, they’re also wildly important. It’s astounding how long couples manage to go without addressing their finances, but no matter where you are in your journey, it’s never too late to get that conversation started. Addressing money with your partner is an ongoing process. You don’t have one “money conversation” and call it quits. Your finances need to be nourished and attended to just like your emotional health or your sex life. If you’re afraid to approach the subject, it’s important to remember that everyone has finances. Money is a part of living, and the sooner you clear the air, the more satisfied and secure you’ll both feel. Know What You Want Think about what parts of your financial health are most important to you. While some people are more focused on income, others are more concerned about spending habits. Are you curious about their credit score? What about their rent history? Having a direction for your conversation is key to feeling satisfied with your discussions. Remember that it’s essential to approach these subjects with care and respect. Offer Your Own Truth One of the best ways to open up a dialogue is to offer your own information first. If you want your partner to share their salary, start by sharing yours. If you’re curious about their student debt situation, lay your numbers on the table. This conversation can cultivate an environment of safety and respect for your partner while still encouraging them to be open and honest.  Don’t Tell Lies If you’ve got a few financial blemishes, it’s best to be honest from the jump. Lying, deception and keeping secrets have no place in a healthy relationship, even when it comes to finances. Especially if you’re making financial commitments together, it’s important to be honest so that your partner has a clear picture of the situation they’re entering. It can be difficult to be honest about financial struggles, but when you and your partner tackle them together it can feel better on everyone’s end, and perhaps offer positive solutions you weren’t expecting. Take Baby Steps Starting small is often the name of the game. If talking facts and figures is too much too quickly, it’s a good idea to talk more about philosophy to start. Who is more of a saver, and who is more of a spender? How were you raised differently when it comes to money? These ideas might soften the conversation and gear you both up for more serious figures down the road. Bring in an Expert Studying up on personal finance and learning together is a useful tool in growing your financial lives while you start the conversation. Showing them an article or video you’re interested in can get the ball rolling on the money talk, and can even show you what they think about certain financial subjects with a sense of neutrality. You’re both listening to the expert doing the talking, which creates a middle ground.  Set Goals Together Money talk doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. Setting a financial goal together can give you something to look forward to and bring you closer. Do you want to move in together, or get a larger space? Maybe you’ve been itching to go on vacation? Bringing in fun aspects of money talk can liven up the conversation and remind you that responsibility can lead to great things. This talk can also signal what their hopes and dreams are, so you can learn if you’re compatible on that level.  Can’t Buy Love One of the most important parts of the money conversation is remaining insightful about the motivations, frustrations and expectations of each partner in the relationship. If you’re experiencing money problems or disconnects, it’s worth it to ask yourselves what emotions are being brought up and what issues you think might be solved by “fixing” the financial piece of your relationship. Couples fight about money a lot, often causing large rifts or even divorces. However, money fights can often mask underlying issues. While finances might be the problem at hand, something else could be the root cause, or it could be a part of a larger picture. Even just staying mindful can help prevent the use of money conflict as a band-aid for deeper things. Relationship finances can be a tough conversation to start, but once you get the ball rolling, it gets easier with time. The more you practice, the better you’ll move through your finances together. Updated on April 1, 2024

“I need you.” How many times have you uttered those words to your romantic partner while you cuddled on the couch? Have you ever started to wonder whether your attachment to the one you love benefits or harms your well-being? Can codependency be healthy if it's with your partner? People do need to lean on each other, and every relationship has times when one partner carries the other. However, overreliance on one individual can lead to a dysfunctional power dynamic and even open the door to abuse. Can codependency be healthy, and if so, under what circumstances?  What Is Codependency?  “Honey, can you stop at the store on the way home to pick up milk?” Is this codependency? Most likely, it isn’t — asking for favors is part of the give-and-take of any relationship. Even if you or your partner pays all the bills, that doesn’t necessarily imply an unhealthy balance of power.  The term “codependency” refers to forming and maintaining relationships that are one-sided and emotionally or physically abusive. Maybe your partner continually hurls insults at you, but you remain convinced that if you try harder, you will win their approval. Perhaps they insist that you act and even dress a specific way, and they use threats — including withdrawing love — to keep you in line. Often, this dynamic occurs when one partner struggles with substance abuse or addiction, but the term has come to apply to dysfunction in general. Some people might even see it as "an addiction to love," which can be more harmful than anything else. This dynamic is often learned — people whose parents struggled with codependency tend to adopt the same behaviors and attitudes. This principle explains why so many individuals who grew up in abusive households go on to perpetuate the cycle as adults. They aren’t consciously choosing despair, but they are retreating to the familiar as it lends a sense of security, unhealthy as their unique situation may be. So, can codependency be healthy? First, you have to ensure what's going on is actually codependency at work. What Are the Signs of Codependency? If you are questioning whether codependency exists in your relationship, ask yourself the following questions to determine if you need help: Do you feel free to express yourself around your partner? In healthy relationships, partners have freedom of choice and encourage each other’s growth. In codependent relationships, every interaction becomes guarded because you have to become the person your partner expects you to be. You may feel like you’re “walking on eggshells.” Is your relationship consistent and predictable? Codependent relationships are marked by turbulence and cycles of behavior from good to violent. Healthy relationships, while they may involve disagreements, rarely erupt into fireworks.  Do you feel a need to control or obey your partner? Do you demand to know where your partner is at all times, or do you feel the need to check in with them multiple times daily — maybe to the dismay of your boss? Do you try to restrict the people they associate with, or do you sneak around to see friends behind their backs? Do you engage in behaviors like checking their phone or email without permission? If you notice any of the above behaviors in your relationship, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are doomed to fail. With the help of the right marriage counselor, you can learn healthier ways to interact with your partner. The critical factor is that both of you need to be willing to put in the effort. You might wonder, "Can codependency be healthy?" The answer is a bit complicated — what you want to attain is interdependency. Can Codependency Be Healthy? What is Interdependency?  Ideally, you want to strive for an interdependent relationship. Unlike in codependent relationships, you don’t look to your partner for your sense of identity. Nor do you desperately cling to the union when it descends into abuse — you set boundaries and enforce them.  Interdependence recognizes the value of vulnerability, and it fosters trust because you open yourself up without compromising your core identity. For example, if you lost your job during a round of layoffs, an interdependent partner will lend you a shoulder to cry on and help out with the bills while you get back on your feet. They’ll encourage you to find something better, and they won’t let you wallow in despair.  A codependent partner, on the other hand, uses vulnerability as a weapon to keep you reliant on them. They might say things like, “You could never make it without me.” Such statements not only make you feel terrible but after a while, you also start to believe those messages. Before you know it, your life becomes all about keeping your partner happy instead of productively addressing your needs. Every thought begins to revolve around keeping them calm and avoiding their verbal jabs.   Making Your Relationship Healthier Can codependency be healthy? Usually not, as you may not have an identity outside of your partner. If you fear you are in a codependent relationship, take the following steps:  Do some soul-searching: Take the time to reflect honestly on your relationship. Do you and your partner work together toward mutual goals? Or is your primary objective pleasing them — or keeping them under your thumb?  Have a heart-to-heart: Sit down with your partner when you both feel calm. Express your concerns and gouge their reactions. It’s natural if they appear taken aback a bit, but the crucial question to ask yourself is, do they express a desire to work on improving your union? Seek outside help: Even if you have the best intentions, codependency is learned behavior often reinforced over a lifetime. It’s challenging to break the cycle independently, so seek a qualified therapist if you have the means to do so. Can Codependency Be Healthy? No, but You Can Lean on Your Partner All relationships entail a degree of give-and-take. However, if your union has become controlling or obsessive, you may have an issue with unhealthy codependency. So, can codependency be healthy? There's a fine line between what's healthy and unhealthy, and you should instead strive for interdependency. Do some soul-searching and take proactive steps to build a more equal partnership.  Updated on May 3, 2024